Wednesday, May 12, 2010

To Pollywog Creek from the Montana Prairie

My friend Patricia, at Pollywog Creek, takes the most stunning nature photos I've ever seen.  I always comment on her blog that our countryside and the plants that grow here are so subtle, so small that if you aren't looking carefully you might miss the beauty.  In the spring, Montana pulls out her very best and this afternoon I had a few minutes to photograph it for my friend at Pollywog Creek. 

We also have "friends-like-family" in Missouri who are homesick for the prairie.  Don, Shelly and baby Ison wrote with a copy of Don's grandmother's prairie poem that I'll post at the end of the photos.  Shelly writes that Frances grew up in South Dakota and I love her poem about springtime; I'm sure you will, too.  I wish I had met her; I believe we were kindred spirits.

























Some folks like the desert

Where the snowflakes never fall,
Where the sun is always shining
And the world doesn't change at all;
Some like the mighty mountains
With their pretty Christmas trees,
Where the snow lies deep and level
And the lakes and rivers freeze.
Some even claim the city
With its bustle, clang and rattle,
Where a man doesn't have to don his boots,
Get out and hay the cattle.
But though the hills look bleak and bare,
And the winter winds blow raw,
There's nothing like the prairie
When the snow begins to thaw.
I like the way Old Meadowlark
Heralds in the spring;
He tops a fencepost deep in snow,
Throws back his head and sings.
The badger and the ground owl
Come out to prowl around,
While up the draw the muskrat
Makes riffles 'cross his pond.
The sandhill cranes come drifting back
Like leaves before a storm;
While high above the roof at night
The wild goose blows his horn.
Old Bullfrog clears his throat and croaks
A message to his kin;
They all come up to answer,
And it makes a cheerful din.
Flowers strew across a hill
Where prairie chickens drum;
Deep into dusk the grouse-birds chuckle
Like they were having fun.
Cattle call and fife of killdeer,
Scent of green things come to light;
White young moon and balmy southwind
Make a heaven out of night.
Threads of wild ducks winging northwards,
Old black crows that flap and caw;
Man, I'm glad I'm on the prairie
When the snow begins to thaw!

For Lori R., if she still reads this blog...

A true confession and humble groveling....



I actually bought AND PLANTED a couple packets of yarrow seeds for my New York flower bed. Knowingly paid good money for bad flower seeds that I've repeatedly cautioned other gardeners about. If I wake up tomorrow to rotten vegetables pelting the house, I will know why.


It's a hellaciously hot, dry bed located ten feet from my yard, across the gravel driveway and I can't get anything to grow there, except noxious weeds.  Like gypsophilia and iris. The reason I call it the New York flower bed is because I test suspicious plants in it....if they can make it there, they'll make it anywhere. (And everyone joins in, "...it's up to you, New-York-New-York! dum-dum-dahddy-dum, dum-dum-dahddy-dum..." Now you'll have that song in your head all day. You're welcome!)

I planted them early, early one morning nearly in the dark,  wearing pajamas of course, and feeling hypocritical and terribly guilty. I don't think anyone saw me and I destroyed the seed packets immediately, but still....I can't live with myself.

 So now you know.  Garden havoc will begin in approximately 10-15 days, if the conditions are favorable. (Favorable conditions for yarrow being "anywhere on the planet" and "any sort of moisture, even that from bated breath, in the air"...)

I brought it on myself.



*I also have about 50 pounds of iris tubers to dispose of and I don't really want to throw them away, but I have run out of places to put them.  Every flower bed I have in my half-acre plot of ground has iris.  And they just keep multiplying! If anyone wants them and can't come pick them up, I will SHIP THEM, free of charge to the shippee. Anyone who comments on this post and uses the magic word "iris" will automatically entitle themselves to 5 pounds of iris tubers! You can ALL win!

**Two boxes of iris tubers are ready for D. and Fontie!

To answer Fontie's question, there's nothing wrong with iris.  They hang out for a couple years, looking for all the world like soldiers, and putting up neat little helmet blossoms to accentuate their spear foliage.  Then, all of a sudden, the troops expand into a wad of mangy looking misfits and that's your cue to divide them.  The first time you divide them, you'll be giddy, because they are EASY to tease apart and plant.  The third time you have to divide them, you'll be frantic to find homes for them, because you will actually have pain if you toss them over the fence.  Find someone who needs a filler flower and make them think they won a horticultural blog contest. Box up 10 lbs and ship with a lovely note and best wishes....

Monday, May 10, 2010

Book Review!

Before I start....

My friend Patricia told me about a program called BookSneeze, where someone with an established blog could review books from publishers and...get this...keep the titles reviewed. Free. That's right; someone will send me a book, I read it and review it on my blog and a couple other places and then I keep the book.

 I was so excited about this I could hardly stand it!

 I didn't actually think they'd send me a book.  They did!

 I didn't actually think I'd like the book. I did!

So, now you'll be subjected to my reviews...

Without further ado, meet Mary Ann Kirkby and her book, I Am Hutterite.  (*Farmchick is scrambling for a piece of scrap paper or used cupcake wrapper to write down the title...)



Mary-Ann writes an amazing memoir of growing up in a Canadian Hutterite colony in the 1970's and 80's.  Having grown up visiting the colony outside of Lewistown for corn every year, I was always fascinated with Hutterites and their old fashioned ways of dress and "secret" language which turns out to be high German. No one I knew really had a good relationship with the colony, to tell me what their beliefs were or why they lived that way.  I Am Hutterite is a gentle view into the day to day life of a Hutterite colony, with very matter-of-fact explanations of their customs and beliefs. 

I was entranced with the idea of community living, once I read the book. After all, there's a community cook and her helpers, so everyone shows up for meals that are already prepared!  BUT the other side of the story is how that sort of life was constraining and tense for Mary-Ann's parents.  She tells of their little family leaving the colony and the struggles and blessings of living independently.  I appreciated her honesty and generosity of spirit with this portion of her book, because as a teenage girl it would be very easy to have a lot of resentment about being yanked away from the colony and thrust into a world of extremes.

I didn't really know what to expect from my first BookSneeze selection. (Doesn't that make you want to say, "guiesuintite!" ?) (Does anyone know how to spell that correctly?)  I'm thrilled to say it was a great book and I'm happy to put it on my shelf, next to Goodbye Wifes and Daughters, A Yank Back to England and Red Helmet. (Shamelessly plugging my other favorites from talented friends...)

*Annie, this is a really great book.  You'll want it to keep, I promise you.  If you lose the used cupcake wrapper, you can call me or look it up again on the blog!

Mother's Little Darlings...


The Princess of the Prairie
The Farmer brought the calf shelter over, so we could move my baby bums home soon. 
The kids tested its durability and strength.

Cordelia May, our mama cat, soaking up some attention.


Any reason for roasting "shmushmallows" as Angus calls them...




No napkin? No problem!

Campout clothes...
(If that isn't a Tide commercial, I don't know what is...)

Unwanted affections from his sister. (Yeah. They practically stuck together after all that shmushmallow.)

Laughing at Angus' story.

Glazed over eyes from all the sugar and no nap.

We live in the Big Sky state, you know.

Capt'n Farmer

Saturday, May 08, 2010

Meet the bums!

It's time you met Cosmo (on the left) and Linnie (on the right). 
Cosmo is the chubby-faced, no-tag calf.  He has a very impressive girth already and has started putting a hurting on the milk pellets I stick in the little rubber trough every morning.

It's nearly impossible to take pictures of hungry calves, because they mob me and all you see is their noses.  Then, if I don't produce the bottles in a timely manner, they start butting me. That hurts.   


Here's a close up of Mr. Cosmo.  He WANTS the bottle.  He wants the bottle, NOW!  (See his greedy little tongue sticking out?)
Linnie is one of the twins I posted about, nearly a month ago.  You can see that she's delicate and fine, with long fawn-like legs.  She's very suspicious, still, and examines every change with caution. For instance, while I was taking these pictures, Molly was in the corral and Linnie couldn't focus on the bottle. She finally overcame her worries and neatly finished before Cosmo.
(This annoys him to no end.  She's a world champion bottle sucker, even though he's been my bum longer. He hustles right over and starts working on his bottle with all his might, snuggling into me, tail happily going back and forth.  Linnie heisitantly steps up, feels the nipple a little before starting, then blows him away with her speed.  His eyes roll and you can see him trying to compete, but she has much better form.)

Here's Linnie after the bottle...little flecks of milk on her impossibly long eyelashes.  You can't hear their little "mmmmnnnn" sounds, but even after their bottle, they try to sweet talk me into just a little more...

Here's Cosmo.  He's worked so hard at his bottle that he has a foam beard.  I usually end up with sticky, foamy calf slobber all over me, but this evening I jumped in the empty hay feeder to take pictures. They were sincerely miffed and after circling the feeder a couple times, urgently insisting they were still starving, they shook their little heads and trotted off.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Last Day of Kindergarten

Today was my baby's last day of Kindergarten.  She dragged home her sleeping bag, a bag of art projects and papers, her backpack and a black eye.  The black eye was from last week, but it lingers and makes her look very tough.  To add to the injury, a cat scratched her nose a couple days ago. The Princess is looking a little fraggled. 

While she kicked back, watching a Barbie movie, I went through her projects and papers and found her report card and certificate of completion.  After admiring her improvement, I decided to put the report card in her baby book while I was thinking about it.

Nobody tells mommies that they will cry on the last day of Kindergarten, too. 

Kindergarten is where the baby book ends.  There's a place for all the teacher/friends/memories and a couple pictures, then the book is done. 

I wasn't ready. 

I filled out the spaces with all the appropriate information, pasted the report card in, and walked back through the first five years, tissue in hand. 

It's amazing what I wrote down, about this child.  The first time she went to the church nursery, she hit another baby in the head with a block.  She didn't like the walker we borrowed from the neighbor...hated it, in fact.  A week later, it's noted that she now loved the walker.  Her first word was "Haaaeeee" (Hi) and her second word was "keekee" (kitty-kitty).  She laughed out loud for the first time when Molly barked at me.

As I type this, a couple days before Mother's Day, I am overwhelmed by how huge motherhood is.  It's the biggest, wildest, sweetest ride of life....I hope I never forget to notice the little celebrations along the way.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Eastern Montana I-Spy

The game of I-Spy is really challenging, when you live in Eastern Montana, particularly if you are age 5.  Here's the transcript of our game last night, on the way to Vern's to feed our bum calves:

Mag: I spy something....green.
Mom: Grass
Mag: Right. I spy something....black.
Mom: Cow
Mag: Right! I spy something....sorta grey.
Mom: Sagebrush
Mag: Right. Boy, you are good at this game! I spy something....blue.
Mom: Sky
Mag: Right. Okay, now it's your turn....

If you've ever seen the Disney movie Brother Bear, you'll recognize the two moose Rutt and Tuke playing I-Spy with all the trees....

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Honest Scrap


My blog friend, Texas Ghostrider (the name sounds more menacing than he really is) gave me the Honest Scrap award this week.  The award has two components. You have to first list 10 honest things about yourself (and make them interesting), and second,  present the award to seven other bloggers.
I tell you all 10 honest things about myself in almost every post, so it's hard to come up with new ones! (The REALLY hard part is making them interesting.)


  1. I'm scared of heights, but oddly enough, not of flying. "Heights" being the top of a footstool or cinder block.  This disgusts my husband who strolls about on top of the house, nonchalantly, checking vents and shingles, while I stand on the ground with sweating palms watching him.

  2. When we were kids, my family had a cat named Fleabags.

  3. I am a plant nerd and like their Latin names. In fact, I almost always use Latin names in my head and have to translate before I talk about them with other people.

  4. Cauliflower makes me throw up.  There must be a chemical in it that I'm allergic to, because I've tried it every possible way and it always has the same effect.

  5. I love aprons.  Aren't they just homey and practical, pretty and personal? It's great that they are becoming more popular.

  6. I used to play piano by ear. I haven't been around a piano for so long, now, that I'm not sure I still can, though....  When I was in high school, I got in trouble for not looking at the notes, so I quit the piano and lessons and didn't look back.

  7. When I was dating a game warden, I had the opportunity to go to Colorado and band ducks one fall. It was hot, buggy, swampy and I loved every minute of it!

  8. I lived in one of the last public high school dormitories in the U.S. all four years of my high school career, along with about 25 other kids. 

  9. Maybe you've noticed, but Duttons personify everything, and my daughter thinks I know what machinery and animals are saying. She'll talk to my dog, Molly for instance, and then turn around and query, "What did she say, Mommy?" and I'll tell her.  It's a very odd talent, but useful when you spend a lot of time around preschoolers and young children.

  10. I have a good memory for completely useless facts, but an almost worthless recollection of important ones.  An elephant is pregnant for 22 months...almost 2 years, for heaven's sake! But I really don't have any idea what my daughter's social security number is.
That was grueling.

I'm supposed to pass this on to seven people, but because I don't like boundaries and I'm terrible at links, I'm passing it on to 3.  They can choose seven if they wish!
  1. Guilford Road  My new friend, Alice, at Guilford Road writes great posts about her life, is an Anglophile and also an editor.  I chose her because we've been writing back and forth in emails, sharing personal tidbits and this way she can put 10 in a row, if she so chooses.
  2. And Two Became Three  My cousin Robert married this great girl, Marina, who has brought a lot of class to the Dutton family! This is her blog. I wish they lived closer, because I adore her.
  3. Busch Family Adventures  My friend, Kim, from college, who will have no patience for this whatsoever because she's trying to wrap up her teaching year, but who is one of the more interesting people I know.  And I think her blog needs more exposure. 
So there you have it. Ten honest things.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Ranch Business


It's been awhile since you were bombarded with cow propaganda and stories....

This evening, I remarked to The Farmer that we'd moved the two most challenging herds on the ranch: the yearling heifers and the bulls (referred to from here on out as The Bully-boys).

Yearling heifers have two views.  You either see their snoopy little noses advancing on you, to see how very interesting you may be or you see their tails in the air half a mile away in a cloud of dust when they decide that you are, indeed, "dangerous".  (Don't take it personally. Tumbleweeds are considered "dangerous". Baby bunnies are considered "dangerous".  A cummulonimbus cloud on the horizon is considered "dangerous"....you get the idea.) 

We trailed (tried to keep up) the yearlings in to run them through the chute for their leptovibrious (I have no idea on the spelling) shot and de-louse Ivermectin treatment. 

 My bum calf from last year, Daisy, is in this bunch and I always look for her, anxiously hoping she is gaining in weight and stature and will not embarrass us. To my great thrill, I couldn't pick her out in the herd, so she's right up there with the pretty Lang's Fork heifers! (Bum calves are usually about 8 inches shorter, with a big belly...real ugly.) I finally saw her in the corral and I'm so happy with her growth. The next big test is whether or not she'll breed up when we turn the bulls out with them.  She's the ONLY cow in my OC herd and she bears the burden of building my future herd. (Vern is horrified. My brand is on the wrong side. We have to get another color eartag for my rotten little cow. Lots of fuss.)

Our yearlings look so good, although if you ask the men, one will mutter "Should just sell the whole bunch for $800 a head and be rid of them!" and the other will say, "They're not looking TOO bad...".  (It's considered bad luck to admire your own cows.  I think that because I'm a clueless female, which in ranching is a redundant term, I can get by with it.  But any rancher that does it will bring down disease and destruction on his herd.  Now you know.)

Anyway, after churning the heifers around in the alley and chute for awhile, we trailed them to their summer pasture, had lunch and commenced to bring The Bully-boys closer to home. They are going to be treated on Wednesday to semen tests. I will not begin to describe the process to you....it's not pleasant for anyone involved: the chute man, the vet, the corral help and least of all, The Bully-boys. We are checking their fertility, as we had too many open cows this spring and are suspicious that one or two of them are shooting blanks. 

There are 17 of these beasts, right now, with 6 or 7 more coming sometime in the next month.  You know how I feel about bulls. See the diagram below.


Technically, that's a steer, but you get the idea.

There were no wrecks, thankfully, and we all rode away on our four-wheelers unscathed. (Nothing will draw you closer to God than moving a bunch of bulls.  I pray non-stop. The guys see my lips moving and they think I'm talking to the bulls, but I'm praying for protection. You know that verse about asking God to move a mountain, if you have faith as a grain of sand? I fell like I'm moving Black Angus mountains.)

From here on out, it's going to be a blur of cow work and branding.  I love it, but it's exhausting. 

Oh! and I have two bum calves this year!  Cosmo, my little bull calf, and today I got one of the twins, Linnie. She's sort of wild so she got a shortened version of the Latin name for blue flax: Linum, which gets rather wild in my yard. Linnie also has long, delicate legs, just like the flax foliage.  No pictures yet, because they are both still in the barn at Vern's, but hopefully we can move them home soon, and I'll post pictures.


Saturday, May 01, 2010

Shaking things up...

I remember now that I did this LAST spring on a rainy day.

For some reason, everytime I get the Chronicles to a comfortable place, where everyone knows what they'll find, it starts irritating me and I have to do the Great Template Hunt.  And the more templates I look at, the worse it gets!  There are no ranchy-French-book-garden-photo-fishing blog templates anywhere.  Can't imagine why. 

I told The Farmer that every template I looked at, I had to imagine what cow pictures would look like on it.  He indicated that he'd never thought of it and that I was perhaps a little....extreme.  He's very content with his blog.  After about 2 months of wrestling with it, he's more or less going to leave it alone because he's got better things to do. (Like fixing my clothes dryer, which is sort of why I'm writing this post...far from the scene of the mechanic-ing.)

Anyway, I apologize for the upheaval and the weird sidebars, the off-kilter pictures and the half-way music list.  I'm trying to edit HTML. We'll see....

This is sort of a weird combination of two templates...and I don't actually mind it.  But I may just bag the whole thing and go back to the original.  What do you think?

Friday, April 30, 2010

It runs in the family...

It's no secret that I'm challenged, fashion-wise.  Sometimes I get close; most of the time I miss by a mile. 



It would appear the little crabapples don't fall far from the tree.

C.U.P.S.

It's been awhile...

There are some new readers of the Chronicles and you'll need some clarification.  C.U.P.S. is an acronym that stands for Coffee Under Pretense of School.  It started when Country Wife and I decided to enroll our oldest children in once-a-week preschool in Jordan.  We had to find some way to kill 3 hours in town, besides getting milk and eggs, so we invited ourselves to Farmchick's house and didn't feel too bad about it because we always brought food and magazines.  Our preschool days became the highlight of our week and we've been missing C.U.P.S. a lot, lately.

We convened this week here at my house on a kindergarten day, partly because of tradition, partly because we couldn't possibly fit any more kids in my little house.

As it was, I counted (with the babies) 8 children, ranging in age from 5 months to 4 years old.  Crazy! But they were great and we were actually able to accomplish what we'd set out to do: eat an entire pan of caramel rolls, leaving no evidence of a party, and drink a gallon of Kafe Utza coffee.  Honestly....I'm not sure I can look another caramel roll in the eye, now.  Mercy!

We were privileged to be joined by a Travel M.U.G.S. (Mother Under General Stress), Rachel Sloan who drove 80 miles from Miles City to join us with her 4 children...bless her heart! Rachel is an amazing woman and I love her to bits.  In fact, I don't know anyone who doesn't love her to bits....hmmm....

As we were saying goodbye to one another and hugging, we kept saying, "It's been too long.  We need to have C.U.P.S. again SOON."   

I hope we do. 

Monday, April 26, 2010

Happy Birthday, Aunt Bert!

Yesterday was my Aunt Bert's birthday, so this post is a little late...

This is a picture of us at a C.U.P.S. meeting last spring.
Isn't she beautiful?

As long as I can remember, I wanted to grow up to be like Aunt Bert.  When I was little, she was the most glamorous woman I knew and I really and truly thought she could do anything.  She taught me things like:
  • People notice your hands, so keep your nails trimmed and clean and use lotion. When you paint your nails, do at least two coats. And toenails look better with a little polish.
  • Always use real butter and real vanilla when you're cooking.  Use the best ingredients you can afford; it makes a difference on how things turn out. (She recently confided that she's started using *I can barely type this word* MARGARINE of all things, in her cookies to keep them soft. I can't do it.)
  • Wear moisturizer and sunscreen, always.
  • With regards to sewing: measure and fit, measure and fit...and if it's not right, rip it out and start over, no matter how painful that might be. 
  • Write letters.  Take pictures. They remain long after you are gone.
  • Texas Tech is the football team to cheer for, always. Red Raiders Rock!
And those were the practical things.

Aunt Bert loves the Lord and is always growing in her faith.  She challenges me to move beyond my comfort zone, always (although that's not something I really struggle with) and is a lifelong learner.  She's interested in people and their lives. And she's usually working to keep them trying a little harder to be better and more than what they are right now.

She loves antiquities, French culture and it's trappings, cats, shoes, fashion, family, old books, telling stories, handmade treasures, coffee, walking and talking out frustrations, good food, terrible political jokes, Conservative politicians, handbags, kids, and football.

She can be bull-headed and bossy, on occasion. 
(Those aren't bad things! These traits are signs of great ideas and determination to accomplish them.)
(I hope Grandma Dutton reads this.)

She's one of my very best friends, my kindred spirit, my role model.
I still hope I grow up to be like her.











Friday, April 23, 2010

True Confession #372

(Okay, I skipped a few.  But 370 looks so....even.  For those who are keeping track of my true confessions, this will be distressing.  As will the content of this blog to my mother-in-law....she'll just count her blessings I live 5 miles away and call ahead everytime...)

Are you ready?




(Anything that makes my mother-in-law want to call ahead everytime she drives by my house has GOT to be shocking, don't you think?)

(It's not.  She's easily horrified by me.)

(And yes, she reads this blog.  And cries.)





I like to garden in my pajamas.

There. I've said it.


I don't INTEND to garden in my pajamas.  It just happens!
In the summer, I like to have my morning coffee on my deck and watch the sun rise and listen to the bulls and meadowlarks warble.  Sometimes our mama cat goes hunting and brings me something marvelous and dead, like a trophy meadow vole. That adds excitement, especially when the other cats find out.  But I digress...

I can't sit still long.  And the thought occurs to me, "Perhaps I'll wander over to the herb bed and see if there are any chives for eggs this morning."

Sure enough, there are chives.  But I notice the pansies I planted there are looking a bit droopy and their little heads are bending, sadly.  No one can bear a sad pansy, especially not the person who planted them with promises to love and care for them until the first frost! So I wander over to fill my big aluminum watering can, after abject apologies to the neglected plants with the assurance that I'll try harder.  (Usually, a cat lays on them while I'm apologizing, adding serious injury to insult.)

By the water hydrant, there are always errant plants....like YARROW....that are invisible during the broad daylight while I weed.  In the soft morning light, they almost charm me, but then I remember their relentless march into the lawn with intent to vanquish the grass and I handily yank them out. 

One shouldn't waste flowers...even weedy ones...and this prompts me to think I'll start a bouquet for the table.  I can't use the watering can to store them, because obviously that is in use. I remember an old jar in the garden shed and potter off that direction in the dewy grass, pausing to roll up my pajama bottoms on the way. 

At this point, I KNOW some of you are thinking, "Why doesn't she just go back inside and get dressed?" or even "Why doesn't she get dressed before going outdoors to have coffee?" 

If you are one of those people, you probably don't understand that once one is dressed, gardening is work.

By the garden shed is a bed that is sad, sad, sad.  I cover my eyes as I pass, trying not to look at it squarely.  I'm not prepared to apologize to THOSE plants quite yet.  But in the garden shed itself, I usually find whatever it was that I was after (despite my husband's despair over my organizational method) and bonus treasures, too!

A left-over seed packet with 3 scarlet runner beans in it! I can't have random seeds lying around, without a home, so I gleefully rub my hands together thinking of the perfect spot.

(I now have a my coffee cup and it's cold contents, the half full watering can, a couple stalks of yarrow, an old jar and a seed packet. Good thing my pajama top has a pocket, huh?) Off to plant the runner beans by the garden gate.  Where I find that odd petunia from the greenhouse that didn't really fit in anywhere. Except there's a pot on the deck that's looking sorta empty....

And so it goes.  This all takes place before 6 a.m., and it's the most fun I have all day. (Which is a sad commentary on my life, really.)

By the time the rest of the family wakes up to turn up their noses at the eggs 'n' chives, I've mended relationships with most of the annuals, made outrageous claims to the crowded perennials, cautioned a tree I call the Wart that it's really and truly his last year again if he doesn't shape up, found a toad for Maggie and scattered seeds all over. 

All in my pajamas. 

Monday, April 12, 2010

What's on your nightstand?

There are night readers, those who simply cannot fall asleep without consuming some form of literature...even 3 words...and there are non-night readers (I am told) who are too weird for me to contemplate. 

Ever since I broke the glorious reading code and learned to take myself to worlds beyond my own by way of books, I've been reading in bed.  With a flashlight at Girl Scout camp, the phonebook in a motel room when I forgot a book, and last minute parenting tips in the hospital after having Maggie. 

It's indiscriminate.  All books are eligible. I HAVE learned not to read mysteries, unless I'm at the very end of the book, or I won't sleep...I'll have to read one more chapter.  Then one more chapter. And, since it's already 12:30 a.m.....one more chapter. 

I have comfort books, for when my life feels out of control or too distressing...All Creatures Great and Small, Lucia and Mapp, Cordelia Underwood, Patrick McManus.  And if I've been housebound, buried under snow and laundry, with no means of escape, there will be travel books. 

Here's an actual list, taken directly from the pile of literature on my nightstand, in no particular order. (Really. There's no particular order...there's no order whatsoever and it's driving my husband crazy, so after listing them, I'm going to reshelve them somewhere. Probably under the bed, because the bookshelves are gloriously full.)

  • Vanity Fair, by William Makepeace Thackeray
  • A Test of Wills, by Charles Todd
  • Mrs. Roberto, by Van Reid
  • The Bullfighter Checks Her Makeup, by Susan Orlean (this month's bookclub selection)
  • Mrs. Greenthumbs, by Cassandra Danz
  • The Three Musketeers, by Alexander Dumas
  • Baby Penguins At Home On The Ice, by Jennifer Boudart (Maggie's, but I read it)
  • Cordelia Underwood, by Van Reid
  • Servants of the Map, by Andrea Barrett
  • Desert Queen, by Janet Wallach
  • A Yank Back To England, by Denis Lipman (Look for a post on this book, coming soon!)
  • Prayer, by Phillip Yancey
  • The Death of a Pope, by ? Read
  • They Shoot Canoes Don't They?, by Patrick McManus
  • Blazin Bloats and Cows on FIRE!, by Baxter Black
  • Moonfleet, by J. Meade Falkner
  • The Hungry Ocean, by Linda Greenlawe
  • Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
  • The Art of Eating, by M.F.K. Fisher
  • Going Rogue, by Sarah Palin
  • The Lord God Made Them All, by James Herriot
  • Women's Study Bible NIV

Yeah. Maybe I should put them away a little more often. 
Do you ever look at people's bookshelves and try to figure out what sort of person they are by what they read? I do, and I feel sorry for whoever looks at our shelves...

What's on YOUR nightstand?

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Unnecessary Roughness

It's time to broach the subject of non-verbal communication between ranchers and their wives.

(For those sensitive souls who prefer to believe that those who live in the country are patient and kind, read no further.  This post may get ugly.)

When a farmer or rancher starts dating a promising girl, they charm them by treating them very kindly in the pasture and corral, taking time to explain in great deal and with amazing clarity what the plan of the day is.  They patiently draw diagrams in the dirt and when it's clear that the girl isn't quite comprehending the plan, they say (with humor), "Just follow me, and I'll tell you where to be when you need to be there."

And they wink, and the girl follows along with dreamy visions of spending the rest of her days with this charming country boy. *sigh*

Fast forward ten years and erase all those methods of sweet communication. 
Replace them with glares, waving arms and air-borne sorting sticks. 

I can handle glares....I glare back. 

Waving arms always and forever stump me. 

There's some sort of translation manual, I'm sure, buried in the Library of Congress, that explains the many nuances of the rancher's gyrating arms but it hasn't been released to the general population.

Pity.  The divorce rate among those living in rural areas would be dramatically reduced if it was. 

I cannot distinguish the "Get your butt over here, FAST!" wave from the "Go north, Woman!" wave from the "Close that gate!" wave from the "Did you bring a bottle of water?" wave. 

The list goes on and on.  Usually, when I'm being waved at, it's a tense situation involving a cow moving rapidly and the entire work of the morning hinging on my translation and subsequent action. 

First, I freeze. I run through all the possiblities as quickly as possible in my brain.  I check the position of the gate/cow/4wheeler/angle of arm on the rancher.  I try to remember what was said in the shop before we left, about what the plan was.  I think about what the logical thing to do would be, then I think I should do the opposite because that's what a man would do. (Whatever I think is logical, the equal and opposite thought applies to the "why" chromosomal bearer.)

All this takes place in a matter of 10 seconds.

Meanwhile, the rancher, my husband is waving more frantically and on top of that his face is getting red.  He's also hollering at this point, but I will spare you the eloquence of his language.  From 1/2 a mile away, it sounds sort of like this: "a;lkdjf apoih apeoij rfade! ZVnzoxcivnavuayf! 83apoiudvgapsek?"

If I move in closer, I'll hear words I wish I hadn't.

Somehow, we've got to come up with a better way.  Maybe smoke signals from the steam coming out of his ears.

It occurred to me that perhaps football referree signals would work.  Blow the whistle, make the "False Start" gesture and I'd know that I should stay put, rather than start over there.  Blow the whistle, make the "5 Yard Penalty" sign, then the "Continue Game" sign and I'd know that I needed to take the cow 5 yards that way, quickly.  Blow the whistle, make the "Touchdown" gesture and I put her through the goal posts (gate).

I would, of course, have a whistle and when he got too crabby "TWEET! Unneccesary Roughness". 

And if we made it through the game without a fight, I could dump a cooler of Gatorade over his head.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Putting out pairs...


This is Eastern Montana in April!
(It's greening up day by day, thankfully.)
See those little black specks? Those are the cows we're about to go around, looking for calves to tag and put out. It's big country, but the wheelers sure help cover a lot of ground quickly.

No calves here! These old girls were mildly annoyed that I interrupted their grazing schedule...


I didn't realize I had changed the setting on my camera; it was tucked inside my coat, away from the dust and I must've bumped the dial....at first I was disappointed to miss all the color, but it has a journalistic quality now. 

Down to business....Wayland just grabbed this calf to tag him.
Through the pictures, notice the cow's head and Wayland's head.

She's not happy.
Wayland has checked the gender of the calf and is ready to put the tag in the right ear for bull calf, left ear for heifer calf. 
He's always got one eye on the cow.

Arranging the tag....
The cow knows what the story is; this isn't her first calf by any means, but she's still going to make sure Wayland doesn't mess around with her calf, beyond tagging it.

It only stings for a minute!
Mostly, the tagging happens so very quickly that the calf is bawling more from the surprise than the sting.

Back off, Farmer! That's all the leeway you get!
(See the tag in the right ear? Bull calf.  Now that number, the gender of the calf and the date of birth will be recorded in a little book that is carried in his pocket all spring and summer.)

Down the fence to the gate, to be put in the pasture on the left (east) with the rest of the pairs from that bunch.  The old cows know exactly where they're going and really take off at a trot sometimes to get there.  You wouldn't believe how fast those little calves can travel!

In the pasture, on her way to find a sunning spot for her calf.

A view from the open gate...


Vern would be horrified I put this picture up; it's not our best fence. But the cow paths on either side, going up the hill, make it so interesting.
(Don't tell him you saw this picture, or I'll be rebuilding fence this summer....)

And lastly, here's a picture of a set of twins we had.
Twins are not desirable, because they are born so small and the cow can't provide enough nourishment for both calves to thrive.  We usually end up pulling one of the twins off and grafting it onto another cow that has lost it's calf.  Or one of them becomes my bottle bum. 
Both of these calves were tiny, delicate little heifer calves....up close, they are so enchanting because they look like little tiny versions of the chubby black calves we usually have. 

Now I have to load Maggie up and we're going to go feed my bum calf, Cosmo, then help the guys put out pairs, just like you saw here....we go around them twice a day.

And now you know what my April looks like!
We had our last calf from the heifers yesterday...pulled it and sadly it was dead.  Maggie wanted to watch the pulling, the calf being born, and it was a very hard time for her AND PopPops. But fortunately we were able to go pet Cosmo and he charmed her out of the sadness.  One of the twins is being grafted to the heifer and we hope it will end happily.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Time Out

Hey, faithful Followers, both public and secret...(And yes, I know there are secret followers....brings a much needed air of mystery to the Chronicles! Ghost readers....ooooooo!).

I'm going off-line until after Easter.

For those who cling to the Chronicles, checking daily for posts, (umm, I don't actually think THOSE people actually exist, but just in case...) you can scroll back through the older posts, some of which are real groan-ers.  (Sara H., I typed a big old long email that's sitting in the "drafts" box....thanks for writing, and don't quit the Chronicles because of the break! I'll try to get the email out right after this....Alice-with-a-little-a, same to you.)

Happy Easter; hope you have a beautiful, blessed weekend!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Rancher Terminology, cont.

Help- What ranchwives attempt to do that generally causes greater difficulty and mayhem.

Sorting Stick- What ranchers throw after getting "help" from their wives.

Gate- A seemingly simple apparatus used to cover a hole in the fence that is always open when it should be closed and vice versa.  Some gates are traps, set up by mean-hearted ranchers, to baffle wives who are trying to "help".  Closing them involves a complicated series of actions and facial contortions. Generally the trap is complicated by the need for speedy closure.

Pairs- Def. 1.- What gloves are bought as but never, ever are observed as after the tag is ripped off.
Def. 2- Cows with their calves. Or with another cow's calf. 

Count- A random number that will always be right when the neighbor does it, but forever wrong when the wife does it. It is procurred by moving your eyes over the backs of the black cows clumped together going through a gate, but without lifting your finger to keep track. (Some neighbors move their lips when counting, and if you figure this out, it's easier to watch the neighbor than the cows.....no matter what, you'll be wrong.)

Cow number- The identifying digits written in black paint on a rubbery, plastic-y tag that's attached to the cow's ear.  (It's written in secret code that I'm about to reveal here on the Chronicles. The first digit is the year the cow was born. Ooooo.)  One must always, always, always look at the cow number on every cow while simultaneously looking at her bag to see if the new calf sucked.  If one encounters a dead cow, cut the tag off as evidence. Otherwise the men will not believe that you saw a dead cow; they will insist it's an old potbellied stove...

Pen- Def. 1.- A stick with an ink insert that won't scratch out any sort of legible writing, especially if there's a need to write down an important cow number. 
Def. 2.-An enclosure for cows, that they are opposed to entering, because there are scary shadows or the atmospheric pressure that day is not auspicious for penning.

To be continued...

Monday, March 29, 2010

Nesting

My daughter nests.

She's driven by some terrible maternal force deep inside to create little living spaces in any nook or cranny she finds vacant.

In our house, she creates places like "Fairy World" or "Horse Land" with old check boxes, found string, broken toys, and books for her little dolls to live in.  I've seen her make a waterfall that puddled on the floor from two old blue play dresses, where her horse toys would frolic and play.  She swipes things from around the house to use and it's generally very ingenious, so I have a hard time getting after her for using something like the ice cream scoop as a catapult for fairies.

This spring, we've found evidence of nests built around the yard before the snow covered them....little piles of what look like trash and junk to mere mortal eyes, but in actuality are treasures and castles to anyone 5 years old and younger observing the same thing. 

"Oh! There's "Mermaid World"!", she'll exclaim, falling on her knees next to a couple of empty water bottles and my garden trowel. And she'll proceed to explain every little nuance of the place and invite me to join her in that mystical place, long covered by the blanket of winter.

She always invites adults to kneel down and enter her worlds, even though we are short-sighted and practical.  As she describes the functions and reasons for the placement of each little piece of flotsam and jetsam, it's entirely possible (if one lets go of thier horrible urge to clean or file) to see through her eyes and slip into that place for a while.

Last night, she was a dinosaur and built a nest with eggs up in our tree row.  (It was tricky, trying to decide what sort of dinosaur to be, incidentally, because she adores steak, so a carnivore was what she wanted to be. However, carnivores are not very well behaved, as a rule, and she was trying to be a good, kind dinosaur.)  We had to go look at it and coo over how well made it was and what beautiful eggs she had.  There was great distress when sleeping in the nest overnight was ruled out as an option.

Her little brother is the anti-nester.

His job is to come in and demand his toys back; toys that have not been seen nor heard from since he was 1 1/2 years old. Or he crashes through the nests and worlds with all the determination and flair of a D6 Cat, evoking wails and pounding of fists upon his back.  He's contrary.  If she tells him that the cardboard leaned up against the brick is a slide for dinosaurs, he'll insist that no, it's a pirate house. (Or vise versa) Brothers are seldom asked to attend functions in "Dragon World", for obvious reasons.

We've gotten used to living with a magpie.

But when you come for a visit and see little piles of assorted nonsense in funny corners of our yard and house, now you know about the nests.  And I can assure you that within 15 minutes of arriving, you'll be invited with great excitement to come to see a castle or hideout or stable....

You'll need to put on your magic spectacles and slow down for a little bit....

Wondrous little worlds await you in those odd nests....