In honor of School Board Monday...

You know what the dumbest thing is?
I'm the only one in my office, and I still think these cartoons are funny AND can relate to them.

And this one is for a friend who actually ends up having meetings EXACTLY like this.

A Clerk Goes West, Part 3: In which The Farmer's Wife decides to look into other occupations...

I'm sure you're wondering by now if I actually learned anything at the conference!

Well, as a matter of fact, I did.

Here, in no particular order, is a listing of some of my lessons:

1. How to determine if a closed session in a public meeting is necessary and how to kick your chairman in the shins, politely, and stop him from closing the meeting illegally. (Some of you may think I'm just looking for any reason to kick the chairman. You wouldn't be entirely off-base, but in this case, it's to save our board from a law suit.)

2. How to take information from the last 10 years' Trustees Fiinancial Summaries and put them in circle and bar graphs so the average school board member or taxpayer can see the trends and breakdowns. Actually, I'm a pretty visual person and this was an exciting workshop because now I have tools to draw myself a picture.

3. There are those who can't be trusted. I'm speaking in particular of the L.M. of the U. who STOLE content from my blog about school clerk experiences.  Took it without advance permission or notice, mind you, and then READ IT OUT LOUD to an entire workshop, which I was attending.  Yes. I'm formulating retaliation.  It will be hard to pull off, because he was just promoted to President of MASBO, but sweeter because of his stature, don't you think?

There are those who can't be trusted.

4. I learned that there are many, many tiny little schools in the state; I'm not the only one. And I learned that we all face the same problems: We end up being responsible for things we aren't supposed to be and we have no administration to back us up. After this particular workshop, which a clerk who had recently been "let go" from her job put on, I went back to my room and cried. Maybe I was just tired, but I was worried, too.  

5.  Convention food, no matter how hard they try to make it good, is bad. But if a dear friend finds out you are suffering, they may send room service in the form of a 10 oz chocolate cheesecake and save you from certain emaciation and possible death.  I lost 3 lbs at the convention, but it would've been WAY more if Annie hadn't called that little present in for me.  (Anne, I love you. But you knew that already, didn't you?!)

6. I love school clerks of all shapes and sizes.  They are good people. And they are brave.  Let's just say, if I had had any doubts about their courage, it was all erased during karaoke night.

7. How to file ARRA reports. (American Recovery and Restoration Act...I think.) It's a little present from the Obama administration....I get to report quarterly how many jobs I created or saved with the bucks they trickled down into the schools. I have to apply for the money, tell precisely how I used the money, bleed the money through the books, etc. etc. Nobody is impressed. Nobody really understands the process. Not even the Office of Public Instruction, bless their hearts, but they keep taking the questions and calls... 

8. I'm not really school clerk material. I'll NEVER get that nifty little clerk of the year pin and check they hand out every year at the conference. I wear the wrong things (cowboy boots) and laugh a little too freely, am rather easily confused with numbers and don't get all excited about new filing systems. I'm okay with that, and just feel privileged to be included in this group. Like my friend said, "There's 350 of the same kind of people here, and then there's you," or something along those lines.  

The really interesting stuff will not be published here, due to the little rule of the organization: What happens at MASBO, stays at MASBO! (That's why you won't see any actual pictures of the people at the conference. THAT and as you've already learned, there are those who can't be trusted.)

    

Eastern Montana Commute

I went to Lewistown, again, yesterday for another Quickbooks workshop with Waterman. He's the closest thing I have to a co-worker, only HIS office is 150 miles from mine. Tricky.

I took off from home about 6 a.m., in the dark. Driving in Eastern Montana that early in the morning is quite peaceful; the only outfits on the road are the occasional semi-truck or pickup and horsetrailer, headed to the neighbors.  To give you an idea of the traffic, between my house and Grass Range, approximately 120 miles, I met 12 outfits and passed one slow moving car.  The driver of the car looked to be a grandma headed to Billings for a doctor's appointment. I think she left Jordan closer to 5:30 and probably stopped in Winnett for breakfast. Toast, egg-over-easy and coffee. (I have no idea, really, but that's probably pretty close! Toast, eggs and coffee are very economical...)

Driving through the Breaks, near Mosby, the sun had just come up and the country had that soft, sleepy morning look. The shadows were blue and the hills were gold and pink; I love that time. Anyway, just ahead of me on the road, I saw some prairie going across the highway. It looked like prairie grass, all tan-gold and brown. Only prairie grass doesn't have antlers.

Three bull elk were loping across the highway, on their way to the cedars to sleep the day away.  Elk have a peculiar way of moving; they look like they are gliding, a little, and it looks like slow motion, but they can cover a lot of country very quickly. These three crossed the highway that way, and started up the hill on the other side. I pulled the car to a stop and amazingly, they pulled up and stopped too, broadside to the car. We looked at each other for a couple minutes, then the lead bull breathed out a frosty breath and turned, and they glided into the trees.

I'm glad I didn't have my camera, because I would've been trying to get the shot and missed the whole thing. But I'll have that picture in my head forever.

The rest of the day was spent in front of a computer screen, in a square office, crunching numbers incorrectly. (This accounting business would be much easier if I actually had a head for numbers...) Lisa Waterman, Mike and I had lunch at the Bon-Ton and I can report that they have excellent hamburgers and the small ice cream cones are pretty much a meal in themselves. Highly recommend it for a complete soda shop experience in Central Montana!

I didn't hit any deer, on the way home, but there's an owl flapping around near the Brown ranch with fewer tail feathers and a belly-ache.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up...

...to be school clerks! (Sing along, if you know the tune.)

Don't let 'em add numbers and write them reports;

Get 'em involved in music or sports.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be school clerks.

They're always at home and they're never alone,

Especially with those that they love....

(Or something like that.) (Apologies to Waylon Jennings)

Every Tuesday, the day after a board meeting, I'm just all wrung out. And we have a good school board; that's not it. I just feel like I'm carrying the whole school on my back: teacher, students, board, parents, employees. (Good think I got the Elastigirl haircut, huh?) And really, there's no reason for it. All I do is pay the bills, type the correspondence, and file reports. As Ty Yost used to put it, "Even a trained monkey could handle that, Mary Jane!" Some days, I think the monkey would be better at it!

Our meeting went off without incident! Thank you to those who were praying about it. There were a couple of tense moments, but they passed, thankfully, without anyone really losing their temper or saying anything hurtful. AND, this is really big for my household, they established a bus route right past our turnoff, so instead of driving Maggie 12 miles to school, I only have to take her 3/4 of a mile! What a blessing. AND I only have to send one transportation contract out, instead of 4. Nice!

School clerks, in Garfield County, are appointed every year. During the re-organizational meeting, in May, the board either re-appoints the clerk, or has the option of canning them. And the clerk has the option of declining the appointment. (Hee, hee!) Every year, I ponder the decision, then, because of the big bucks, I accept the appointment.

It has been really challenging, to do this job, from home. I had to get off a business call, once, because *Maggie squeezed her frog too tightly in the bathtub. She hollered for me, and when I got there, I saw the deceased amphibian floating with his tongue out, and dead flies in the water. Explain THAT to the Office of Public Instruction! And when I was preparing for my audit, I was crunching numbers and cutting out pirate hats, because it was Wayland's birthday, and what's a birthday without pirate hats? Explain that to the guy on the other end of the line, who's trying to assist you! (**Oddly enough, it was the same guy. He had changed jobs, but was still taking my frantic calls....for free.)

But I have met some really great friends doing this, gotten a real inside look at where our tax dollars go, and a faster internet connection. And once a month, I get the stress of the corporate world, complete with laptop and agenda. And I get to wear professional clothes to all the trainings, in lieu of my usual office attire, calf-slobbered jeans, peanut butter smeared t-shirt, bare feet, baseball cap. Really, there's not much more you could ask for in a part-time, work-at-home job, is there?

*For those who wonder about me letting Maggie play with the frog in the bathtub: it made sense at the time, okay? At least it wasn't in her room, where she could put the dead frog in the heat vent. You laugh, but she honestly thought the heat vent was a good place for garbage!

**And this gentleman is now a good friend, The Lord Master of the Universe. (His title, I perpetuate it...) He still takes calls, I think, for the entertainment value. He really does have a rubber-candy-butt-chicken at his desk and he really does know more about school finance than anyone else I can find. Oddly enough, all the other clerks I befriended "retired" shortly after I got their phone numbers....Coincidence? I think not!