Dear Annie,

I have to get something off my chest and I hope you'll accept it with your usual grace and humor. It's been something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but have never worked up the courage until now....

I really, really, really, really dislike tulips. 

(Illustration 1.)

They take advantage of color-starved, house-bound, winter-depressed people and bloom for about a week, maybe two if the conditions are pristine.  Then they hang around too long like second-cousins-once-removed from California. I can't cut them back because *gasp* they wouldn't have enough nutrients to bloom next year, so they flop around in my flower beds staying obstinately greenish until July.  (See illustration 2.)

I know you adore them and want to plant them by the truckloads.  I know they make you happy and remind you of home in Idaho.  And I'm good with that.  But I really and truly despise these wretched plants.  I'd give you mine if I could ever remember where they are, come September!

Anyway, I hope we can still be friends.

xoxoxoxo

MJ