It's not the Boston Marathon, but...

My friend Lori ran the Boston Marathon this last Monday.  I admire her greatly for many things but this put her on a local running pedestal, really.  I mean, it's not enough that she's pretty and smart and better at yoga (because yoga is a competitive sport, don't you know?) but she had to go and run the Boston!  Seriously!

Johnny Kelley, winner of the 1935 Boston Marathon

My sister and I are committed to running in the Mother's Day Women's Run in Billings this year.  In fact, today is sign up day for us! Huzzah!  But since she's just a beginning runner and I've never been in an ANY K race, we're only doing the 5K.  Which feels sort of wimpy, following Lori's showing at the Boston.  Well, it IS wimpy, but it's a start.

HOWEVER....
Runner's World Magazine just delivered the Trail Running edition and I found my race.  It's almost as though the organizers knew me and created it specially to make me feel better about being a running...dingbat.  Here's the blurb from the actual race sign up...see if it doesn't just scream "Farmer's Wife, this is for YOU!":
(It's long, but it's fun reading...don't be intimidated!)

When a Half Wit entry is said to be "outstanding in his field", it is because he or she is not bright enough to find his way OUT of that field! Especially if the grass is really high! Only a rare breed (thank God!) enters the Half Wit Half since this demented trek requires one to have very limited common sense, no regard whatsoever for their body, a desire to suffer more than a Charles Dickens' orphan and more balls than the driving range; much like those running for the Republican Presidential nomination. The "Half Wit Half" Marathon 13.1M Trail is a never-ending barrage of rocks & roots, serious ascents & descents, downed trees (no water crossings), urban relics like the "128 Steps from Hell" and stifling heat; and that's the NICE part of the course. And yet 450-600 people of limited gray matter & low SAT scores do it every year. WHY? Well, first of all, DUH, they're not too bright! But many of them site the unique aide stations (some w/alternate beverages), the horses butt awards, the eclectic tech shirt artwork & the post race party at the Liederkranz German Singing & Sports Club that goes on forever, mainly because they lost their keys. The HWH is maybe PCS’s most gnarly race, Dude. It's a true challenge for the race leaders who would rather break a femur than have a 2 hr plus half marathon to their credit. Yet, it's doable by the person that downs 3 Snickers bars while reading the National Enquirer on the rack as they wait behind a BlueHair with 97 coupons at the supermarket. Yes, the HWH will be the most unique race you'll ever do, although if you are truly a Half Wit, you'll probably follow your Tom Tom's direction without question and end up in Cape May. LEGAL B.S: You are responsible for your health and welfare at all times during this race!! NOT the place to do your first “trail race” or “race” ever. It’s tuff! Plus, we don’t look for you if you get lost; we'll be too tired from marking the course the day before. Since this race is a REAL BUGGER, we don’t allow entries under 18. We also reject people that think that U.S. companies will ever bring back the jobs they sent off to people who will work for 16 hrs straight for $3.26/day before taxes, and anyone who doesn’t think that bouncing a quarter off Joan River's face would be hilarious. However, if you've ever bought cubic zirconia jewelry, a Jessica Simpson CD or a ticket to ANY wax museum ANYWHERE, we welcome you with open, very hairy arms!

AWARDS: 1st and 2nd M & F overall + 1st M & F Masters (no repeats) +
18-29: 6M/5F 30-39: 6M/4F 40-49: 6M/4F 50-59: 6M/4F 60-69: 4M, 3F (60+ for women) 70+: 2M,

REGISTRATION/ENTRY: Reading Liederkranz, 140 Spook Lane (off of Hill Rd), Reading, PA Reg. opens at 7:45 a.m., race starts at 9 (approx.). Fee: $32 w/shirt if postmarked by Mon, 7/23/12. Afterwards, $38 while shirts last (inc. raceday), $28 when gone. WARNING: FEW EXTRA TECH SHIRTS printed than the # ordered by prereg entries so if you don’t enter beforehand (even if after the cutoff), the only way you’ll prove to your friends that you’re a “Half Wit” is by telling them about the time you aborted your hunting trip before it even began because on your way there, you came upon a sign on the road that said "Bear Left". We race in heat, rain, humidity & pestilence. No refunds, mailed shirts/awards; running with pets (it would be cruel) or in-woods kanoodeling, especially with our deer. We reserve the right to delay the race start a shade if the weather is mega-foul, such as lightening. For your fee, you get a “collector’s item” tech shirt reflecting the limited smarts of those entered, finisher awards to all, (alternate type mailed to others if we have more finishers than estimated), very unique trophies, lots of munchies, well marked course, 5-6 water stops (some with snacks& alternate beverages), immediate results, results on www.pretzelcitysports.com in 1-2 days, indoor johns & porta johns on site, ambulance present & on-course surprises!

NOTE!! THIS IS ONE OF PCS’s SUMMER RUNS THAT STARTS AT 9 AM. DON’T BE LATE! ALSO, YOU MUST REACH 9M IN UNDER 2 HRS, 30 MIN. If it takes you any longer, it’s dangerous for you to go on (ask the girl who was last in 1999). It also ups the chance that all the food will be gone, the finish line will be packed up & the race committee will be knee deep in their body waxes. So you’re not tempted to “finish or die trying” after the cutoff, we remove the last section’s course markings starting at that time, give the wildlife water balloons and release our touchy-feely Aunts and Great Aunts onto the course. Bail-out” spot (9M) occurs within 1/4 mile of the finish. If you “bail”, PLEASE don’t CROSS THE FINISH LINE to tell us that you quit/got lost/got hurt/only ran part of the course, etc.!!!; It screws up our timing ROYALLY!!!

What do you think?

According to Runner's World, runners have to recite a humorous, self-demoralizing rant know as the Oath of the Half-Wit, there are beer stops at miles 9 and 11, there truly is polka music at the post race party and all finishers get a trophy that is shaped like a horse's hind end.  That beats a flaky old tee shirt, huh?!

One of the (many, many, MANY) things that snagged me was the part that said it could be done by someone who downs 3 Snickers bars while reading the National Enquirer on the rack as they wait behind a Blue Hair with 97 coupons at the supermarket.  I read People magazine, which is a quite a bit classier than the N. E., and prefer Milk Duds to Snickers bars, but other than that, they have my number!

It's August 12 in Reading, Pennsylvania.

Can you imagine? Me....running with my own kind!  

It's too good.  

Round, round, get around...

We're in a Beach Boys kick right now, thanks to Ivan Jasper, although he knows nothing about it.  After he reads this post, however, he may come knocking on our door to demand we give back his Beach Boys Greatest Hits Volume 2 tape back.  I guess if he wants it that badly, we'll have to hand it over, but not before we've gotten about 200 rounds out of it.

When Celestia found out that my car has a cassette player in it, she dug around and found a couple of Ivan's old tapes for the ride home.  It was rainy and grey, almost the entire way and when we got to Vaughn, we'd exhausted the Chronicles of Narnia Radio Theater (The Silver Chair).  It's a rather dark little story, too, and most of it takes place underground. Greyishly.  She pushed the Beach Boys in the player and instantly, it was summer in the car!

And we played it at a high volume.
Singing loudly.
Because, you know, the Beach Boys lyrics are not all that hard to get a handle on....
"Round, round, get around; I get around.  Get around, round, round; I get around!"
and
"Bah-bah-bah-Bar-bar-bra-Ann, Bah-bah-bah-Bar-bar-bra-Ann,  Oh, Barbara Aaaaaa-ann, come take my haaaa-aaand..."

By the time we got into Great Falls and pulled into the Sonic drive-in, we needed board shorts and a jalopy.
We got onion rings and cheeseburgers, instead.

But we've been listening and belting out Beach Boys tunes ever since we got back, whenever we get in the jalopy....I mean, "car"....rolling down the windows and making surfing motions with our hands in the wind.  We're so groovy you can't stand us.

I had forgotten how many Beach Boys songs were a part of my life, growing up!  And not because my parents listened to them, but more in high school of all places.  Our pep band rocked "Barbara Ann", nearly every game.  TWO of my best friends at the time had the name Rhonda....so I was CONSTANTLY singing  "Help Me, Rhonda".   Our choir sang "Peggy Sue" (Beach Boys songs are the bomb if you're trying to learn harmony).  "Fun, Fun, Fun" because one of our friends drove a T-bird..  And this was in the 1980s!  But the songs are timeless.

What's your favorite Beach Boys song?
And if you don't have one, "Come Go With Me" in our car with Ivan's cassette blasting.
You'll find one.

Name That Tune

Some of my favorite lines from songs....do you know them? Without Google-ing them?

1. "You see these bright, white, smiling teeth? You know they ain't my own; mine rolled away like Chicklets down the streets of San Antone.  And I left that person, cursin', nursin' seven broken bones, but he only broke...uh, THREE of mine..."

2. "I'm gettin' bored drivin' up and down the same old strip. I've gotta find a new place where the kids are hip..."

3. "But here in Topeka the screen door's a bangin'.The coffee's boilin' over and the wash needs a hangin'
One wants a cookie and one wants a changin' and..."

4, " ...don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart;
then you can start to make it better."

5. "Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer."

6. "I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees..."

7. "I'm going where the sun keeps shining
Thru' the pouring rain,
Going where the weather suits my clothes,
Backing off of the North East wind,
Sailing on summer breeze
And skipping over the ocean like a stone."

8. "We may never, never meet again
On that bumpy road to love
Still I'll always, always keep the memory of
The way you hold your knife
The way we danced till three
The way you changed my life..."



For some reason, I can't remember things like my mother's year of birth or the school's actual 911 address, but I can sing "Big John"...EVERY word...accurately.  It's a curse.
Especially since karaoke scares me to death.

The game's afoot...UPDATE

Maggie decided this morning that it was time to check the ice cream carton for prints.  With a magnifying glass.  Very professional detective work, very thorough. 

After a few minutes of examination, she pronounced that there was, indeed, a fingerprint. 

More examination...."It's too small for Dad's!"

Crud!

More examination...."It's too big for Angus!"

Double crud!

Umm......

"So what's your next step, sweetie?" (Hoping to stop this OBVIOUS process of elimination...)

"I have to fingerprint everyone!"

Yes!  Yes, you DO that, Ms. Holmes.  That'll take awhile.
Can you believe I'm sweating this?
I'd confess, of course, except that it would ruin the mystery for her.

Well, it's TRUE!

(No comments from the Forsyth readership!)