5 Words

What are your five favorite words?

My kids and I watch Word Girl in the afternoons, when they get up from their naps. At the very end of the show, they ask two kids what their favorite word is. Today, while I was holding the gate as an integral part of the Heifer Sorting Project, I thought that I should pick my 5 favorite words. Then I wondered what my friends would choose. (I had some time. The word "integral" may have overstated my importance in the operation.) So here are mine, in no particular order of importance:

1. Grace- As long as I live, I will never be able to wrap my brain around this, but am infinitely grateful for it, and want to learn to better extend it to others.

2. Whimsy- Just saying the word makes me smile!

3. Mama- At one time, I didn't think this word would ever be assigned to me...it's sweet to hear, and sweet to say.

4. Welcome- A warm, loving word that beckons dear ones and strangers, alike, to share hospitality.

5. Hope- I'm an optimist, a hopeless optimist, and this word embodies that.

What are your five words? If you need to go sort some cows before responding, I understand!

It's A Date!

Once in a while, I just have to laugh about living in Garfield County. It's a life like no other, I can tell you that. (Some who are reading this are currently living here, or have lived here, and they are nodding at the screen, saying "Amen, sister! Preach on...") For many of us, it's 25+ miles and half an hour to the local grocery store, when the roads are good; we can't see our neighbor's house unless we get in the pickup and drive to a big butte, but we certainly know they are there, especially in fire season; we get our mail twice a week, again, when the roads are passable.

SO, when I read the rare women's magazine, in the doctor's office and encounter the articles that encourage couples to have a date night once a week, with no children, to strengthen thier relationship, I laugh out loud! (Drawing stares from the other waiting patients....they all of a sudden get VERY interested in that Outdoor Life magazine.) Where, in the wide, wide world of sports should we go, and what magic hat shall we pull the babysitter from?

Yesterday we bangs vaccinated the yearling heifers all morning and trailed them back to their pasture. I got home about 11:00 and started a very nutritious, artsy lunch for the family. (Chicken nuggets in the oven, big green salad, milk. Gourmet magazine hasn't seemed to help this kitchen, but it looks good on the coffee table.) Wayland walks through the door at ten minutes to noon and on his way to wash his hands, tosses over his shoulder that Vern said we could go to the Winter Grazing Series in Jordan, if we wanted, and they would watch the kids. It started at noon. We both smelled like cows and I'll spare you the description of my hair.

I'LL TAKE IT! So we showered up, stuffed the babies' faces with chicken nuggets and cucumbers, threw them into the car, threw them out at Grandma's and drove to Jordan for our date.

The Winter Grazing Series is comprised of 4 or 5 speakers from MSU and Ft. Keogh Experiment Station, and you spend the afternoon learning things about cow's nutritional needs and how it affects their breed back and subsequent progeny. We learned about range management after a fire, distillery by-products and their benefits and drawback as feed suppliments, how much colostrum a calf needs in the first 12 hours of life. Very romantic.

When the lectures were done, we stayed and visited with another couple that attended, about thier operation. Group date! To wrap up the evening, we went to the grocery store and saw all sorts of friends and neighbors that came to town for the ball game that night AND bought cookies and a newspaper for the grandparents. Honestly, it was the nicest afternoon we've had in a long time!

I'd really like to write to Women's Day or Today's Christian Woman about our date, but they'd never believe me. They'd never believe this was the last outing we've had without the kids since the first part of December when we went Christmas shopping in Miles City, and picked up parts, too. But there are a few women who are reading this who will shut down the computer, walk over to their husbands, punch them in the arm and say, "You didn't take ME to the Winter Grazing Series!!!" Maybe next year.

Warts and all...

I'd like to say this is my last bookclub plug/post, but you know I can't promise that! Once a month, after each bookclub gathering, I just feel inclined to sing the praises of this group of women. So if any of you reading this post are an Underground Bookclubber, you can come to my blog after we meet and read glowing accounts of yourself and compadres and know you are completely loved and admired by the Farmer's Wife!

We had a new member join us this month. Now, that's saying something because we don't add new people very often. I think two years ago was the last time.

ANYWAY, we carried on like we normally do, even though Thelma and Anne weren't there and that left a hole in the group. There's always 3 or 4 conversations going, at any given time, and some are about deep, thoughtful things (death, isolation, independence), some are about shallow, frivolous things (new red purse, kittens for give-away, toddler letter exchange) and some are about the meaning of life (why do men DO that?). Usually we pull it all together at meal time and do the literary thing and discuss the book. And for the most part, it's uncensored, meaning if you didn't like the book, you can say so, or if you completely embraced the book, we'll want to know why. It's a totally safe place and I'm sure if you looked in on the scene from outside the window, it would be a beautiful picture of friendship.

I called the new member, the next day, to see what she thought. (If you love a group, you want to hear good things about it!) She said she had a good time, but was worried that everyone seemed to be too hard on the author and thought the woman who chose the book would have her feelings hurt. Wow! The thought had never crossed my mind! In fact, I told her that we'd had a couple of books in the last 10 years (one of mine, included) that a lot of people didn't like, but that it sure opened up discussion! I'm not sure she is going to join us for good and maybe she's worried that the book she chooses will be a bad choice. (Here's the funny thing: sometimes we like a stinker of a book, because we can worry it like a dog with a slipper, thus avoiding that same action with our husbands and family!)

Here's our menu from UBC this month, and our book selection:

A Lady's Life in the Rocky Mountains, by Isabella L. Bird

We ate toasted garlic bread with choice of nutty/pinapple/cream cheese spread or sort of tomato salsa, fruit salad, loaded pizzas, choice of New York or Chocolate Truffle cheesecake, Moscato or Gerwitztrameiner wine, peach or pomegranate italian soda, and coffee.

You see why I will move heaven and earth to get to bookclub! Doesn't that bring you near tears? Traci made the cheesecake and I'm pushing for her to start Frozen Dog Cheesecake Factory, because she lives on Frozen Dog Creek. I know, I know; tacky name. But Traci's Tarts and Sundries doesn't have quite the same stick-in-your-head ring, now, does it?

Old Horsethief Moon...

Well, the calves are gone! We sorted the heifer calves this afternoon, sixteen different ways, and the sale heifers are contemplating thier fate in the lot. They don't get out much, so they have no idea what the truck ride means. I don't know if you've ever seen the movie "Chicken Run", but the stooge on there warns the mean villainess that "Them chicken's is organised, like." I'm hoping our cows never get organised.

And did you see the moon, tonight?!! We were putting the replacement heifers back in the pasture, and on the way back I couldn't take my eyes off that moon!

I was thinking of an Ian Tyson song, Horsethief Moon. He describes it as being "gold and shiny, like a Spanish doubloon...". Just the name, Horsethief Moon, conjures up all sorts of pictures in my head. I'm so tired, I can barely stand it, but it would be so much fun to cross country ski tonight, with the snow all glossy and blue and the moon throbbing it's light.

I guess that's as far as I'm going to get; wish and a promise. Tomorrow is bookclub and I'm only halfway through "A Lady's Life in the Rocky Mountains" with miles to go before morning! What a great way to end the week...calves sold, calves sorted, bookclub and friends.

Voila! C'est perfectione!

As I type, I'm sipping a cup of coffee made in the new French press coffee pot my friend Traci gave me for Christmas. It is DIVINE!! She said it is supposed to make some of the best coffee in the world. She was wrong. It absolutely, without contest, makes the best coffee in the world. (And if you challenge that comment, I propose we make a world coffee tour and find out. Maybe I should anyway.)

It's odd that I've not owned a French press before, because I love all things French. I know that's about as un-American as not ordering garden seeds from Gurney's, but it's true. I love that the French plant flowers and vegetables together in a big, voluptuous jumble. I love the slow, elaborate recipes that require you to all but raise the chicken from the egg, to ensure zee pairfect flavoure. I think Pepe Le'Pew is the bomb. I've never been to France, obviously, but I think I'll hit it on my world coffee tour.

Excuse me, time for a coffee break...

Okay, I'm back. The only thing not wonderful or perfect about this cup of coffee is the absence of a friendly face across the old 1950's kitchen table, someone to rave with about the aroma and complexity of the blend. I have books to share, knitting to do while we visit, Audrey Hepburn movies to watch and sigh over.....won't you join me? The kids are napping, so we won't have to have the same soundtrack in the background. I've got jazz! Come on over!

Geranium Wishes and Salvia Dreams, Dahling!

The seed and plant catalogs flooded my mailbox, today. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Is it just me, or are they sending them earlier and earlier every year? I'm thinking these companies sense that gardeners may have gotten cash for Christmas and they hit us when we are most vulnerable...in the dead of winter.

I will tell you right now that the best gardens I've ever grown were virtual gardens, planted in the fertile soil of my imagination with wanton disregard for my actual zone, soil and water situation. I've raised absolutely stunning lavender in huge clumps, with dinnerplate dahlias and rambling roses....in my imaginary garden.

In my REAL garden, the only stunning huge clumps are white yarrow, which I despise, and saucer sized dandelions, and rambling virginia creeper. (Would anyone like some yarrow, by the way? Free! I'll throw in a kitten, too.)

And here's a painful confession: (as most confessions turn out to be) I am a seed catalog snob. There, now you know. I don't know if it was Mrs. Greenthumbs and her books, or the Master Gardener program with Bob Gough, or Barbara Damrosch and her Garden Primer....it's hard to say. But I wouldn't be caught dead with a Gurney's catalog in my house. (I'm SO SORRY! I know lots of my friends adore Gurney's. I hope we can still be friends, after all this.) I drool over Cook's Garden, WhiteFlower Farms, John Scheeper's, High Country Gardens. There are actual wrinkled spots in the catalog that I blame on my kids spilling milk. It's me. I have to have the Latin names, the snooty descriptions, the hand-drawn seed packets. It's a curse, I tell you!

What's worse is that I'm not really that great a gardener! I love plants, love gardening, love garden shopping, love greenhouses and for all that, I'm a pretty average gardener. With really cool catalogs, and an inordinately wide botanical Latin vocabulary. Even if you call it Hemerocallis, it's still a daylily. And you can describe it how you will, it's still orange.

Well, I'll save some garden thoughts for later. The picture included here is one of my planters on the deck last summer. Actual, unretouched photo! It makes my heart ache for June! But I have lots of snooty garden catalogs to get through this week, and thousands of miles of flower and vegetable beds to plant in my head.

What catalogs do you like? (Or, for those WhiteFlower Farms girls, catalogues...)

Hallelujah! The Calves Sold!

I'm going to warn you beforehand, this is a total ranchwife post, so if you are allergic to anything rural, you'd better go find another blog to read today!

My father-in-law just called to tell me that we sold our calves today!!! This is a huge, huge answer to about 3 long months of anxious prayer. December, in particular, was very stressful, as these beautiful calves that we poured ourselves into, started getting sick. We lost at least 4, and it was so hard to watch! In explanation, they were getting the human equivilant of kidney stones, because they weren't watering often enough, due to the extreme cold and wind.

So we sold our calves; they go on Friday. And 60 head of bred two year old heifers are consigned for next Tuesday, at Miles City Livestock. Please pray with me that they will sell well. I'm getting a little teary, here, so it's tough to type.

I don't know how to express how personal it is, raising cattle, to me. I know some people can separate themselves from the process, but I can't. Typical girl, right? When we calve in the spring, it's great to see those cows mother the little black babies...since having kids, I empathize with them. All summer, we watch them grow and (hopefully) thrive. Since we have Angus cattle, there's nothing prettier to me than shiny black cows in the pasture. In the fall, it's such a great feeling to see how big and healthy they are, and to put them on trucks and to get ready for the next round. All winter, we feed them and anticipate the calves in the spring.

We really get to know each bunch, and a lot of the individual cows, too. I used to think it was crazy, when I was a kid, how my dad could look at a bunch of cows and tell me how that one was the one that always raised the biggest calf or how this one lost her calf in a washout last year, but this calf looks good this year. Now I understand. Now it's personal to me, too.

Anyway, we are going to get our paycheck this month! If you know anyone who wants some really good bred heifers, steer them to Miles City next Tuesday and tell them to look for the ones from Lang's Fork, Inc. If those old girls bring a good price, and there's happy hollering from a crazy lady in the sale barn, you can send another prayer of thanksgiving up for that, too.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to blow my nose and get busy baking cinnamon rolls for the truckers and cattle buyer on Friday!

Snowmen For Kerri

Snowman pictures for you, Kerri! These were taken in October, when the snow was wet enough to roll. Little tough to make snowmen at -20 degrees, like this morning.

8 Miles...

Well, obviously I'm not walking that much in housework, judging by the state of my house and the size of my rear....

Now that the tree is down, I'm bound to clean. And I'm putting it off, can you tell? And as I type, Angus is unfolding the basket of clothes I just folded. I should stop him, but I'm just so happy to have a moment of quiet that I'm pretending I don't see him.

And here's the other thing: I'm going to have to do about 8 miles of cleaning to find the dang treadmill, or even my cross country skiis in the garden shed!

Well, I've procrastinated long enough. I usually call a friend when I clean bathrooms, so if you get a phone call around 2 p.m. , you might not want to answer.

How is your new year, so far? And at what point does it stop being a new year and just start being a plain old year? When all the glitter is scuffed off?
My memory verse is coming right along; much better than I anticipated. So that's a good start. Now off to the trenches. It's been fun reading all your ideas for the upcoming year, and it's keeping me moving. Sort of . Okay, so I move so slow you can't tell, but in my heart I'm moving...does that count?!!!

New Year's Photo Album

Here are a few pictures from New Year's at the Miller's. They had a soup buffet, with appetizers and breads and desserts. It was a cozy, comfortable place to spend the afternoon with some of my favorite people. We left early, because Angus had partied enough for two days and didn't "wike it" anymore. What a great way to kick off the beginning of 2009 and say goodbye to the holiday season!

Today we bid farewell to the tree and all the decorations. And commence the naps. It's a good day to do both, because, once again, it is snowing! I'm starting to feel like an old timer and say things like "Yeah, this is something all right, but you should've seen the winter of "77. Now THERE was some snow!" (I was just 6 years old, mind you, but I was there!)

Snow Pictures...(Hey, it's all we've got right now!)

Curly sunning himself and watching kids.

The kids were thrilled to be able to go outside for a while yesterday and climb on the snow mountain that PopPop pushed up for them with the tractor. Angus lost his boots right away, but fortunately his snowpants were so big that they covered his feeties. I had to tear them off the mountain...they were having SO much fun! I love the little tracks in the snow from snow boots. (It's easier to track the runaways, too.)

Quickly, then more later...

(A serving of humble pie was dished up hot to me this morning...I posted this, mistakenly, on the Postcards and Prayers blog. Imagine, if you will, opening your Bible Study email/blog and encountering this picture. I'm SURE it will garner some comments. And it will probably inject a little energy into the study, don't you think?)

A little picture to start your day off right! This one makes me smile every time I see it. Wouldn't you like to know where those stools are? And you know the little nuns are having a ball, shocking the public!

If you get the chance, check out Michelle's blog, about books this year. I LOVE it! And I'm taking notes. I was so excited to read it, and wanted to respond, but didn't have my brain about me, so I'm not sure I made any sense at all. I was scrambling for titles, authors, ideas.... What is everyone reading, this winter? What do you WANT to read, in 2009?

The other thing I was going to talk about is the challenge Beth Moore issued on her LPM blog, about memorizing two scriptures a month. I don't know how many of you know this about me, but I can't walk by a challenge. (And use this information for good, and not evil...) I signed up, and I see that Traci did too. I'll just say this. When I hide God's Word in my heart, sometimes it REALLY hides; either that or it's hidden in my heart but not my head. Do you remember Dorie, on Finding Nemo? That's what it's like, some days, for me. And some of you know that and use THAT knowledge for evil purposes!

So my list of 89 Things I Want To Do In 2009 is done. Not all things are valiant, noble, profound things. Some are pretty silly and specific to me. In fact, all but 5 are that way. I know not all will get done, but at least the list will remind me to do SOMETHING! I know Marisa wants to know, why 89? It's the year I graduated and it's an odd number to go with an odd list. Now if you graduated in 2000, you lucked out!

What are some things you would like to do in 2009? Even silly things. No, ESPECIALLY silly things!

Here are a couple from my list:#3= Make Cohagen postcards #21= Go to the dentist (I MUST do this one. Bring a gun to get me out of the car.) #30= Make a souffle #35= Have Auntie Mary's Summer Sleepover for the neices in tents on the lawn. #49= Take my kids to a rodeo. #59= Wax the kitchen floor. #34= Put lipstick on after brushing my teeth in the morning.See? Now, what are your ideas? They've GOT to be better than some of those....Happy Tuesday!

Waves on the prairie sea...

My kids and I hightailed it out of here for church today. It's been at LEAST a month since we've been well enough, clear roads, temperature above 0, to attend and today was a beauty. It was (get ready for this) 34 degrees ABOVE zero when we left the house at 8:30!!! We weren't wearing coats to the car! I had to put on sunglasses!
We got to church an uprecidented 30 minutes early. The kids got to go to children's church, I got to eat a donut AND drink hot coffee during hospitality time. (Generally, we are skidding in at first song, there's no coffee left and the ushers are rolling thier eyes. Really.) And the sermon was about fresh starts. The Lord knew I needed an outline for the year, I'm sure.
Anyway, it was a good day for my spirit and the kids were jewels. On the way home, I put in a cd with an island theme and got ready for some quiet time, while the kids napped. And here's the funny thing. (I always get in trouble when I wax philosophical, so bear with me, here.)
For a person with a little bit of imagination and a Carribbean soundtrack, the prairie covered in snow looks remarkably like endless water. The sagebrush and grassclumps catch the snow in little drifts and make ripples on the landscape and as the late afternoon sun hits it, it has deep blue shadows, with gold tops. The snow blows across the road in rivulets and streams, undulating in that same sun and shadow. Every once in a while, I saw a mailbox buoy and smiled at the thought that it indicated a port from the storm, down the road, a little house with warm lights and tug boat pickups. As far as I could look, West and East, there was nothing but that prairie sea.
Now, maybe I was just longing for an island getaway and maybe, just maybe, a slice of key lime pie with my afternoon coffee. Or maybe God gave me a strange, funny gift of looking at familiar surroundings with pirate's eyes. Either way, it was a great way to sail home from a wonderful day!

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

...four broken trucks, three Barbie shoes, two dead batteries and a glass of Merlot wine. (Sing along if you know the words!)

It's a little hard to write about Christmas, when I've already moved on to my list of 89 Things I Want To Do In 2009. (I seriously have a Word doc with that title, and I'm up to 53.) But here's the Official Pluhar Christmas Post, in no particular order of importance.

Christmas 2008 taught us:

No matter how hard you try to buy gifts for your children that have 2 pieces or less, thier grandparents (being sadistic, vengeful people masquerading as kindly elders) will get them something with 35 interlocking, dependant parts.

There is such a thing as hiding a gift too well.

Advent candles and preschoolers are a dicey combination.

Our family expands every year, and we love it! (Thanks for joining us, Millers!)

Your so-called friends may SAY they will take two kittens for Christmas for their kids, but when it comes right down to it, they'd rather have fudge.

Your family will still let you come to dinner if your jello salad didn't set up and you didn't get the pecan pie made. They will observantly offer you a stout eggnog, too.

The extravagant love of God, sending His Son for us, is a new story every year.

Sucked-on candy canes have a strange adhesive power when they come in contact with wool socks, dog's rear ends, and mystery organisms under the couch.

Those singers that ooze nostalgia about a white Christmas obviously never spent one in Eastern Montana.

Here are some pictures from our Christmas! (A couple of notes: 1. Yes, the picture is supposed to be blurry, of the kids opening gifts...that's about what it looked like in real time. 2. We DO have a new-found horse obsession at our house...thank you Cowboy Pop-pop!)

Mrs. Claus

You think?

Mrs. Santa must get gypped every year, wouldn't you suspect? I'll bet the Mr. doesn't slip into Tiffany's on his rounds for bling. Or Target, for that matter.

I'm getting ready to brave the wrapping nightmare that lives in my bedroom. We do Advent every night and last night it hit me that although I have all the presents here, they are most certainly not tinselled and papered.

BK (before kids) I would spend time getting fancy, coordinating the paper and the ribbon, attaching little ornaments to the gifts. I took tips from Martha and BHG to heart and the tree was rather lovely, too.

This year, my daughter pointed out, we are using computer labels and don't even have bows. She thinks maybe I should try a little harder. So I bought two bags of bows and it will be her job to distribute them on the packages. Some will get three (the package for Ben, her friend) and some won't have any, or they will have been pulled off (for her brother).

There's one more observation for you, and then I'll toddle off to wrap the gifties. I swept the floor this morning (no, it's NOT a red-letter day when that happens...I do it at least once a week!) and there was glitter in the dust pan. Looked like Tinkerbell had had a big ole party in our kitchen with her fairy pals. Now, you know it's Christmas when even the dirt on the floor glitters!

Dutton Cookie Day (Two Weeks Later)

Alright, I'm going to go ahead and post this because it's one of my favorite Christmas traditions, albeit a fairly recent tradition.

When my Dad married Karen, the two families blended, but didn't really have a way to bring us gracefully at Christmas. Karen and I visited about what to do and finally came up with Cookie Day, where as many of the kids and thier families come, bringing cookies and candy to share, and decorating sugar cookies.

Sometimes there are a LOT of people, sometimes there are only a couple (due to the flu), but it's always a good time. The little ones are really starting to remember and look forward to the day, and we all go home with a box of sweet food and sweet memories.

Here are some of the pictures from this year's escapade. The two year olds mostly ate the frosting, but the older girls really got busy and frosted along. If you are wondering where the men are, they are hanging out in the basement, recovering from the roast beef lunch. They do a little quality control, with the cookies, too, and sometimes nap.

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

Have you ever had one of those days that just turns out golden, from the first cup of coffee with the perfect amount of cream to last page of a really, really great book and turning out the light? Those days are rare, for me, but I had one yesterday. I even had a good hair day, for heaven sake! Found my lucky jeans on the first try, the first sweater I put on didn't make me look like a lactating walrus, MATCHING SOCKS (L and R on the appropriate feet, Mike G.) and none of my mascara fell on my cheek...it all stayed put. Those things alone would've been enough to make the day rather remarkable. Okay, even just finding my makeup made it pretty darn special.

My friend Traci twirled her magic cordless phone and came up with a dependable, kind, starving elementary ed college student who was willing to drive 25 miles to babysit four orangutans. For 6 consecutive hours! So we were able to go to Miles for a girl's day, finish our Christmas shopping, eat a hot meal sitting in an honest to goodness dining room and go into several stores we haven't visited since our oldest children were born. I think we were both watching the other, holding our breath, trying not to tell someone "DON'T TOUCH!". I'm notorious for being a really awful shopper, but everything I needed I found, within budget.

And, wonder of wonders, it was bookclub night. The bookclub I am privileged to be a member of is a group of women that defies description. I hang on every month for that one glorious night when we get together to eat (they are glorious cooks, every one of them), laugh, cry, eat, explore life, drink wine, eat, repeat. And we actually read the books, too. I can't talk about these girls without gushing. So I won't. They'll be all embarrassed when they read this anyway.

I always think back through the day, as I lay in bed trying to wind down, praying with gratitude, perplexment, pleas and everything. This was a golden day and all I could think was "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Beverage Bliss

PopPop and Dad were busting through the drifts in our driveway with the tractor, so I took 20 minutes and bundled the kids up for a 5 minute tractor ride. On my way back into the house for my 5 minutes of alone time (you take whatever you can get, here) I looked at the thermometer. -22 degrees at 4 PM.

Maggie wanted to stay outside and climb the snow mountain left behind, but I unreasonably insisted she come back in for hot cocoa. Angus had boogies frozen to his face, so he was a little more open to the idea.

Here they are, partaking. We had to refill the marshmallow scum three times....it was a great day!

Let's play!

Games Toddlers Play

• It's Mine! A charming little game of keepaway that involves two tots, one broken toy originating at McDonalds accidentally found at the bottom of the toybox. This is a noisy, contact sort of game, involving angry shrieking, running, tackling, crying and so forth. The object of the game is to make the Mommy crazy.


• Kitten-Go-Seek. This was referred to in another post and deserves explanation. One or both of the children obtains a kitten from the porch and transports the animal to a room with a door. The kitten is then ensconced in a hiding place (tomb) known only to the child. Popular spots have been: sock drawer, toy barn, pillowcase and purse. The child then comes out and declares that they can't find the pet. Mayhem ensues until the feline is released. The object of the game is to make the Mommy crazy.


• I Drew You A Picture! (This is one can be controversial, as there are those who would protest that the arts MUST be supported and encouraged. Those who are of that opinion have never had this game played at thier home.) In this game, the toddler first has to determine what is irreplacable, of great value, related to the IRS and the like. When the parent on duty takes his or her ONE ALLOWABLE bathroom break, the toddler quickly draws (in permanent ink) a veritable masterpiece on the aforementioned object of value. When the parent returns, a scant 2.5 minutes later, they are sweetly greeted with grubby hands holding up the art and the words "I drew you a picture!" The object of this game is to make Mommy crazy.


• Cooking and Cleaning, a game that is NOT what the title infers! This game starts deceptively innocently, with toy pots, spoons and the play kitchen that a grandmother who will not be named here gave to the children. Mixing and stirring air is not as satisfying as the JC Penney catalog would lead one to believe, so quickly the cherubs decide to use something of substance. Something like baby shampoo or coins from thier piggy banks. After a time, they look around and realize they have made a mess, so they proceed to get water from the bathroom in thier toy teapot and clean up. The object of this game is to make Mommy crazy.


• Fetch. No, they don't fetch; the parents do. The darlings drop a train behind the couch-Mommy fetches. Oopsies, forgot a cap when going feeding with Daddy-Mommy fetches. In bed, prayers said, lights dimming, child thirsting to DEATH- Mommy fetches. The object of this game is to make Mommy crazy.

Montana Blizzard Pop Quiz

Here's a little quiz to see how you would handle a Montana blizzard. Answers are entirely subjective and may not be the ONLY right answers.

1. What 3 things are absolutely necessary to keep on hand when snowed in with two toddlers, six cats, two dogs and one fish?

a. The big c's (Coffee, Chocolate, Cat Litter)

b. Water, candles, blankets

c. Diapers, Captain Morgan rum, playdough

d. Sense of humor, speed dial to PopPop's house, new movies.

2. What would be considered the maximum number of movies you could show preschoolers without causing permanent brain damage?

a. 2 in a 24 hour period (You don't have kids, do you? But ideals!)

b. As many as it takes to put them to sleep in the afternoon.

c. Have a VeggieTale-a-thon ....at least it's teaching values.

d. Movies can cause permanent brain damage?

3. What activity would you choose first, if the electricity DOES go out?

a. Bake cookies in propane stove to keep house warm.

b. Build folding table tent, put sleeping bags in and read by flashlight.

c. Play kitten-go-seek.

d. Race to the bathroom to be the last to flush the toilet with the tank water.

4. Wardrobe choices for the fashionably snowed in?

a. Pajamas all day long, with a humongous sweater to dress it up.

b. Sweatshirt, jeans, wool socks, chocolate stains around mouth.

c. Make like Little House on the Prairie and put on a skirt, blouse, apron and lace up shoes. (Hitting the rum, are we?)

d. Whatever the dog laid on and prewarmed for you.

5. Best blizzard food?

a. Chili

b. Roast beef

c. Popcorn

d. Anything that doesn't require a lot of dishes, should the electricity go out...say, pudding cups.

6. Two phrases you never want to hear, living in a trailer house on a hill with two preschoolers/toddlers 25 miles from civilization:

a. "Mommy, my tummy hurts" and "Blizzard conditions likely"

b. "Honey, do you know where we put that heat tape?" and "Ooops! Hope we have more milk."

c. "Was that the last of the coffee beans?" and "I think Angus has diarrhea."

d. "I thought YOU brought the generator home!" and "What do you mean, there's no more toilet paper?!"