*Be forewarned that this post will contain references to undergarments. My mother does not know I'm doing this, so don't hassle the poor woman if you see her out in public. She did the best she could, with what she had to work with, raising me.
I'm going to tackle an issue that faces nearly every household I've polled, and is never spoken about or dealt with. It occurs on every income level, every age group, every gender and every class of people.
No, it's NOT simple chronic halitosis!!!
I'm talking about hole-y underwear. And you KNOW you have some, so don't start with me! Panties with a tenuous grip on the elastic, and you have to guess which hole is the one to put your leg through. Boxers that are transparent in some strategic places, so much so that you can read the newspaper through them. (You laugh. I did that to prove a point once.) Tightie whities that are no longer tight, nor anywhere near white, because they've been washed with the jeans about 200 times. String bikini underwear that started out as maternity briefs. Brassieres that are tokens to modesty; they aren't supporting anything.
You DO have something, don't you?!!
And why do we keep them?!! Why do we continue to launder, fold and put away these disgraceful pieces of our wardrobe? Are we scared that we will one day run out of the "good" underwear, so we keep these as a safety net of sorts? ("Net" being the key word here...) Will it put us in the poorhouse to buy one package of new underwear for $6.95 at Walmart? Will we have to explain to someone why we threw away a piece of clothing that still had, maybe, one more wear in it?
I just got done folding a load of whites (off-whites) and it occurred to me that at least 5 of those unmentionables that I folded, have completely passed from clothing to wisps of thread tangled together around an elastic waistband, and that perhaps it was time for them to go to the Great Laundry Basket in the Sky. This daring domestic move will necessitate me buying a package of new underwear! *Gasp!* I didn't budget for it this month, so I may have to wait until next month for the big purchase, which puts me in peril of not having enough undergarments to last between washes. This will cause me to have to do laundry more frequently! And so begins a chain reaction that may, in fact, bring about world peace or something as profound.
So, what do you say? Are you with me? Will you commit to throwing away at least two pair of your hole-y undergarments, with no guilt or remorse?
8 comments:
Where's the pictures??
I must say, that tossing hole-y underwear is not something that I struggle with. I just made Scott throw a pair away yesterday morning.
It is a bit frustrating when there is not enough underwear in the drawer to make it through the week, and I dislike laundry as much as the next guy.
I remember reading a book by Judy Blume when I was young in which the mother always made her daughters wear clean underwear with no holes when they went out of the house, in case they were in an accident or something. What woud people think?
Funny post!
ACTUALLY, I nearly TOOK pictures!!!
(My poor mother)
But I'm trying to maintain some sense of mystery, and if you saw my hole-y underwear or my husband's, that would completely dissolve the illusion I'm trying to create, here.
Also, I played with the idea of "holy" underwear, because I don't know about you, but I sometimes pray it will hold together, til I get home....
Well, I must point out your lack of attention to undergarments is unChristlike. His underwear was so nice (a seamless piece of fabric, no less!) they cast lots for it. Can you even imagine anyone doing that for the undies my/your person?!?
(I don't intent to be disrespectful...I've always just been amused that specific detail is included in the gospel accounts.)
This is all so true. And hilarious that you point it out. (Even if your mother is horrified.)
I did just that act, throwing away unwanted rags,, oh I mean underwear last week. I felt so liberated, but almost wastefull. But there is one thing I am right on to ridding and that is socks with holes... they gotta go! Work boots and hole-y socks don't work...I have been known to buy a pack of guy t-shirts (Hanes are my fav) and a package of Rit dye, light blue, and dyed them. That way my hubby wouldn't wear my t's out to work in and I would have just some cheap t's to work in so I didn't ruin my other shirts.... I do this once a year. Now that you are on that farmer uniform allowance as indicated in a post from way back, you can go out and get all sorts of clothes for the job.
Hole-y socks and underwear? If I throw them out what will I wear on Sunday's? I need them to go with my Hole-y pants and hole-y shirts. I even have a hole-y pair of shoes. You can never be hole-y enough, there are people in big cities that will pay good money to be hole-y, like us country folks.....
How funny and I was thinking that I needed to "cull" at this camp too!
What more can I say...
maybe because it is pushing one am as I read this, but i found this hilarious. were you looking in my laundry baskets?
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