Off Balance

So, here's the thing...

For the last few months, I've been trying to change some things about myself.  

I felt I needed to be more focused, serious, realistic, pragmatic, self-controlled, living within strict boundaries.  I've been working on it with all my might, making checklists and goals and following all the rules that I think all the left-brained people follow and are succeeding with.  

I really thought that it would make me a better person, help me to be more content here in the land of practical, straight lined people.  Maybe I would fit in better, you know?  I married into a very intelligent, industrious family that I admire, in a strong, no-nonsense community (which I also admire) and it feels like I'm on a different channel than they are; I think I'm on AM, while they're on FM.  

I was trying to tune in, so to speak. 

Yesterday, though, I realized that my attempts at change are changing me for the worse.  

I find myself tense, self-degrading, defeated and focused, yes, but on the wrong things.  

I'm becoming bitter and self-destructive.

The majority of the clothes hanging in my closet are brown, grey and black, for goodness sake!  That wasn't intentional, but it's sure an indicator of my spirits.  

I've been trying SO hard to change, but it's changed me for the worse.  

That's the true confession part.

Here's the apology part.

I'm sorry if I made you feel as though you were no longer important to me, that I'd shed your friendship and comradery.  I'm sorry that I've been so strange, and that I've been like a stranger...like you're just getting a hologram of me.  I'm sorry that when I try really hard to do what I think is the right thing that I end up doing the wrongest thing of all, and you don't know what's going on.  

*BIG HUGE CLEANSING SIGH*

Getting rid of some soul-clutter, here.

Last week, I sat under the stars with my cousin Jeff Newton, talking about things that really matter and quite a few things that don't but are fun to chew on, anyway, especially if you have a bottle of Pinot Grigio and the folks have gone to bed.  He unknowingly validated that it's completely fine to be an AM station in an FM world...it's just where I landed on the dial, you know?  Jeff is a rare, dear person who exemplifies authenticity to me, the strengths and flaws equally, and makes no apologies for anything except the hashbrowns that didn't turn out the way he'd planned.  

In conclusion...

(Those are the most welcome words at the end of an emotional rabbit-trail post like this, aren't they?)

Tune in to the Chronicles for my AM life...

It's mostly random, likely to be passionate, (ONCE AGAIN) there will be more joy, friends, small thoughts on a big world and...definitely football.  

Closed for repairs

Hey readership, both locally and around the world, 

The Chronicles are going to be shut down for about a month.  I realize I have about a week left on the blog challenge and will finish those beginning in September.  

Come back around September 3rd and I'll have something for you then!

Thanks, 

The Farmer's Wife

Day 27: Post Your Favorite Recipe

It's impossible to say what my favorite recipe is, but I'll post one that I love, one of my comfort foods.

It comes from my friend Anne, whose family made Vermont Maple Cookies for Christmas when she was growing up.  I invited her to come make cookies with me in preparation for one of our Dutton Cookie Days and she brought this recipe with her.  We had Vermont Maple Cookies EVERYWHERE, because we decided to double the batch and hadn't really looked at how many the original made...4-5 dozen, depending on how big you make them.  Cookies on every surface.  And in the background, Veggie Tales with the classic (and never to be forgotten to Anne) "If It Doesn't Have A Tail, It's Not A Monkey" song.  I think we had to make something like 3 batches of frosting and by the time we were finished, we were hot, sticky and giggly from the effort...or maybe from the sugar high.

They were a BIG hit at Cookie Day!  Imagine, if you will, cookies that taste like itty-bitty maple bars.  Bite sized maple bars. Except better, because they're all maple-y and not deep fried.  

I'll give you a moment, here, to wipe the drool off your computer keyboard...

Rather than just type the recipe, I scanned the copy I have, complete with stains and splotches and notes.  

Day 26: An Old Picture Of You

Updates

I drove to Lewistown to get my hair done *ahem...FISH* and had some time to re-think some of the blog challenge posts from this month.

Day 4: I'm also afraid of small, tight places, especially around my head.

Day 5: Dearly love the song "Brave" by Sara Barreilles, too.

Day 7:  If I was honest, kinked up garden hoses and wet socks drive me nuts!

Day 16:  I'd be thrilled to drive a reasonably priced car around the track at Top Gear to embarrass the Stig.
Day 19:  I didn't intend to, but my friends are helping me collect flamingos, too.

Ivan and Jenny brought me this wine bottle stopper from Bonaire where they went diving this spring!

Day 24: Your Favorite Childhood Book

I was going to take a picture and tell you about it, but then changed my mind and decided to take the pictures and READ it to you....virtually, of course.

You MUST find a cozy place to sit, and if possible, grab or borrow a child to sit on your lap as you read this story.  I wish I could provide each of you with a little cup of tea with honey and gingersnaps to complete the experience, but I'm afraid that's impossible.

Now, then...

Miss Suzy by Miriam Young (Illustrated by Arnold Lobel before he became famous!  This is one of his first works.)

Day 23: The Best Thing To Happen This Year

(I didn't come up with the challenge...let's just get that clear, here and now.  It was one we found on the internet and I claim no responsibility whatsoever for the awkward phrasing of the daily post assignments.)

Now that we have that little disclaimer aside...
I don't have any idea what the best thing TO happen this year will be.  But, I can tell you the best thing that has happened to me this week.

Last night, in an unplanned slumber(less) party due to inclement weather during our board meeting, my friend and I stayed up all night having a couple beers, trying to kill mice with snow shovels.

In her house.

Because a broom just bounces them, it doesn't kill them.

We decided that a pregnant mouse must have gotten in the house and had babies while my friend was gone because we counted no less than 12 mice all the same size, about an inch long.  And they were FEARLESS.

AND....
I'm so proud to tell you...
WE were FEARLESS.

It was fun because we were so tired that it was funny, you know?  I can only imagine if someone had driven by the house at 2 a.m., saw the shadows of two women swinging shovels and yelling, "GET HIM!!!" what they might have thought.  Well, they sure wouldn't have slowed down, I can tell you that much....

I think we slept for about an hour and a half, both on the couch with heads on each end and no body parts sticking out, until at 4:30 I heard what I thought was a mouse in one of the traps.

Ha-HA!!!!

Turns out, it was many mice and it wasn't a trap as we had deliriously thought around 1 a.m....it was a box with very tasty bait that they could go in and out of like a club house, which they did happily, practically sticking their tongues out at us because snow shovels are all but useless between the refrigerator and the counter and they KNEW this.  

We finally gave up, sat on the couch with our feet up under us and talked about politics, religion and life while drinking instant coffee while watching those nasty scrabbly little things frequent The Bait Bar.

We got the number for an exterminator and are setting up a full-scale battle which WE won't be attending.

I HATE mice.
But I love my friend and we made funny, awful memories...still laughing and shuddering as I type this...

Day 22: What Is Your Dream Job?

Ooooooo!

THIS is sort of like my bucket list and lottery question all neatly wrapped into one topic!

The thing about dream jobs is that they seldom fit the life one is currently leading, so part of the scenario I'll describe would be if I didn't have to consider anyone else's well being or future.  That's why it's called a "dream" job.  

So....

I'd really love to be a photojournalist for National Geographic Travel magazine who is centrally stationed in the Caribbean on an island in a little hut where it doesn't matter if I track a little sand in and where I can make beach glass jewelry to sell to the wealthy (and gullible) tourists.  

See?  

What's YOUR dream job?

Or are you doing it right now?

Day 21: Your Ten Favorite Foods

Who came up with this list, anyway???

Obviously, it was someone with a neat purse, nearly empty (and spotlessly clean) refrigerator who glances in the mirror and says, "My smile is my best feature.  I must go, now, and use my lottery winnings to fulfill my bucket list...", proudly sweeping out of the room with her favorite song playing in the background.

Or something.  

How am I to narrow it down to just TEN???

And if I boldly clump all seafood together as one item, will I get kicked out of the challenge?  Because my list of seafood loves, alone, takes care of about six spots right there.

(You can stop reading at #10.  I might just keep listing...)

1. I'm going to do it.  I'm going to say "Seafood" in every form I've ever met.  Scallops, lobster, shrimp, crab, clams, geoduc (pronounced "goo-ee duck")...bring it on.  When I was on the east coast, I think I ate seafood at least twice a day for ten days.  Some days I ate it four or five times.  Or more.  
2. Bacon.  
3. Bread.  I know I should be more specific, but I can't be...it's like the seafood.  One of the most perfect foods in the world is clam fritters at Aunt Carrie's in Rhode Island; bread AND seafood!
4. Cheese.  Stinky cheese, soft cheese, hard-and-crumbly cheese, cream, curds.  *pausing a moment to wipe the drool off my keyboard*
5. Summer tomatoes still warm from the vine.  
6. Lemon ___________ (fill in the blank with anything, but bonus points if you said "Lemon Blueberry Cake")
7. Pasta. (See Bread, Cheese and Seafood)
8. Peanut butter!  Another one of the best meals is a Thai noodle dish with a spicy peanut sauce.  
9. Steak.  
10. Strawberries

My less specific, more honest list is like THIS:

1. Mexican
2. Chinese
3. Thai
4. Greek
5. Southern
6. Italian
7. French
8. Indian
9. German
10. Drive In

I must go prepare lunch, now...

Really!

Day 20: A Difficult Time In Your Life

So...

Before  I start this post, you MUST watch this video from the movie "Miss Congeniality".

Perfect Date

Now you have a frame of reference for my answer to this question.

:)

The most difficult time of my life has consistently been between 2 and 4 p.m.  

That's where I collapse.  

My brain shuts off.  Not "shuts down" but "shuts OFF".  

And it always has!  

I remember in grade school, that was when I was supposed to be learning history and social studies and science.  On Fridays, it was art and I could fumble through that, being all right-brained and creative.  

In high school, I was able to be in study hall, choir and home ec...all classes that I could sort of wade through without too much effort.  Weirdly, I got choral awards and home ec accolades all four years of high school.  Who says "auto-pilot" is pointless?!

In college, I loaded my mornings with classes and did my work study and off campus work in the afternoons.

At the arena, I hung on by the skin of my eyeteeth during those hours; apologies here and now for the teams I turned out and timed those years.  You probably had better times than the records reflect...my gate reflexes may have been impaired.  It doesn't help that I'd been wrapping steers until 10 p.m. the night before and watering driveways at 5 a.m....

As a mother, I prayed, prayed, PRAYED for long nap times in the afternoons. And by golly, my babies took naps come rain, snow, sleet, relatives, Superbowls...you name it.  Those babies were going DOWN by 1:30 and God save the person who accidentally woke them up early!  (I'm sorry, UPS and Schwan companies, for ignoring your knocks.  Ain't no ice cream worth 20 minutes early wake up of a baby in the afternoon...)

Now, I try to get as much done as I can before this slump.  Or, if I need to be doing something, it has to be brainless....like folding clothes or loading the dishwasher or something.  I take notes if there's a phone call because I honestly might not remember the details.  And I know better than to drive.  

A difficult time in my life is from 2-4 p.m. EVERY DAY.  

Now that you have that information, please be kind and work around it...

Token flower picture, just so you have something to look at....

Day 19: What Do You Collect?

Besides shoes and books?

Cookie cutters.
I have 87 that I use for cookies and another 12 that are play dough designated.

It all started with fish cookies, thanks to the Yost women, and now the cutters just seem to show up...from friends and family, from travels, from second hand stores.

Teapots and flags and states and dog bones and cactus and lips...
I only have two states...Montana and Texas.  What other states really count, anyway, right?  (*wink*)

 High heels and martini glasses, maple leaf and Santa and hearts....

The old fashioned cutters remind me of my grandma and Mom, of the cookies we cut out when we were kids...

There are moose and penguins and lions and flowers and helicopters....

Kitschy 1970's plastic cutters that don't really work all that great, but still make me smile because they're so....1970's, you know?

Kangaroos and bears and cowboys and fish and angels and snowmen and...
yes...
FISH!

A friend recently asked if I had anything musical, like a treble clef or quarter note, and I did not.  BIG gap in my collection!  I also don't have a lighthouse, sasquatch, dinosaur, baseball bat, football, wine bottle or yin-yang.  (So those go on my bucket list, right?)

I really wanted to show you my shoes, because I've added to the collection thanks to a two day half price sale at St. Vincent De Paul thrift store in Miles City.

SILVER SANDALS! 

We won't go near the book collection....