Gardenitis

(I make the spell-check on my computer NUTS because I add words like this to the dictionary against its strenuous insistence that it's wrong, wrong, wrong!)

Gardenitis is an affliction that strikes many people this time of year.  It's an obsessive, compulsive desire to plant and till, and it occurs in many variations.  To find out if you are the victim of this condition, the Farmer's Wife offers this brief, comprehensive quiz.

1. When a seed catalog arrives in your mail, you:
     a. Put it in the "look at later" pile of publications.
     b. Flip through it, turning down pages and circling interesting varietals.
     c. Get out a highlighter. After a completely thorough research on zones and germination, fill out the order
          form and send it off the next day.
     d. Wait until everyone is in bed, then call the seed company with your credit card number and whisper
          "I'll take two of each, thank you..."

2.  The pansies and primroses appear in the stores, with promises of spring color!  You:
     a. Think to yourself, "Who in the WORLD would buy those in February in Montana?"  and walk away.
     b. Buy one little four-pack, justifying it by putting them in a "container" for 6 more weeks.
     c. Take a flat home, create a little niche in your window for them and develop a relationship until the frost
         goes out.
     d. Put the laundry soap and milk back so there's more room in the cart for plants, take them home and
         create a little greenhouse in a south bed with a plug in heater and old shower curtains.  Voila! Spring
         color!

3.  There are weddings near Valentine's Day, of course...it's romantic and all.  While in attendance, you:
     a. Notice that the bride did an exceptional job of coordinating the flower arrangements with her wedding
         party's attire.
     b. Think to yourself, "Ooohhhh...pink roses and delphinium...I'll have to try that in the garden this year."
     c.  Start a discussion with the bride's aunt about gardening and make a plan to have coffee and do a
          greenhouse tour next week.
     d. Pretend to be fixing an arrangement that is obviously off center, then, when no one is looking, pinch a
          cutting of that gorgeous ivy to root when you get home. (Bonus points if you put the clipping in your
          water glass at the reception, pretending you have some sort of exotic cocktail.)


I told you the quiz was brief!

If you had mostly a.'s:  How are your silk plants doing?  I'm sure you're a very nice person, but gardening is not your thing, really.  Try 1-800-FTD-2DAY....

If you had mostly b.'s: You walk a slippery slope in the world of gardening.  You're cautiously optimistic, but I suspect that you're one big landscape success away from Gardenitis.  Beware the yarrow!

If you had mostly c.'s: You're definitely afflicted with the dread Gardenitis. Find more of your own kind (they'll be easy to spot in the supermarket because they'll be mumbling about anemic tomatoes) and share seeds and compost.  Carpe daisy!

If you had mostly d.'s: I'll try to put this gently...you're nuts, dear.  There's a place for lost souls like you and it's called Butchart Botanical Gardens. I'll meet you at the south entrance on Friday...you'll know it's me because I'll be wearing the straw hat with "flowers" (swiped cuttings to start).