I've been rolling this post around in my head for a couple of days, unsure of how to approach it. I don't want to start a rumble or cause misunderstanding or create feelings of defensiveness with my few faithful readers. So here's the deal. Just read it, with some graciousness, please. And for heaven's sake, comment! Even if you don't agree. Even if you think I'm off the deep end. (Especially if you think I'm off the deep end, because then I'll know I need counselling!)
I just finished the book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger (No! Wait! Just hear me out!) titled In Praise of Stay at Home Moms. It was pretty straightforward, and really kicked me in the butt, as far as my recent attitude is concerned. In the big, wide world beyond my door, stay-at-home-moms apparently aren't getting a lot of respect or accolades for what they do. It would appear they are rather looked down on, I guess, by some people. I've never really encountered this attitude, in this area, mostly because there are a LOT of SAHMs...we call them ranchwives. With kids. Everyone stays home. Where are we going to go?!
I decided I can maybe clear up some myths or common misconceptions about SAHMs. (Or really muddy the water. It's such a touchy subject!)
SAHM Myths:
1. SAHM doesn't stand for Sits Around Home Munching....in fact, we usually don't get a whole lot of food until the kids are napping. Then we eat the cold stuff on our plate from when everyone else had lunch.
2. I may be way off base, here, but most of the SAHMs I know don't watch Oprah or any soap operas at all. Mostly, if there's something on the t.v., it's got a furry mascot singing an alphabet song. If I get to see the evening news two times in one week, it's a big deal!
3. SAHMs don't wear pajamas until noon. 10:00 a.m. is our cut off time. That's when UPS, Schwans, mail, etc. deliveries occur and we're trying not to perpetuate the stereotype. The exception is when everyone in the house is sick (SAHM included) and every respectable outfit we own is covered in yucky, unidentifiable spots.
4. Not all SAHMs are born housekeepers or great cooks. Some are, (Traci) and they are the envy of many. The rest of us just try to keep it sanitary and stock Hamburger Helper and Duncan Hines mixes in case of surprise dinner guests. One of the funniest comments I heard, from a SAHM offering to take care of another friend's children, was "They have had their tetanus shots, right?"
5. Most SAHMs feel incredibly guilty buying things. ANYTHING! We don't endorse a check to put in the bank, so we can't justify spending $10 on a Rubbermaid tote on sale, to store toys in or nail polish, or a breve, or new underwear. (And I'm not talking Victoria's Secret $48 panties, here! I'm standing in Walmart, for pete's sake, trying to decide if $5.99 is too much to pay for a package of 10 generic cotton undergarments.) (I lost a few readers, there, I know....)
6. Sometimes, as a SAHM, I worry that my brain is starting to atrophy and that I'm out of touch with the rest of the world. As a result, I work very hard to read intelligent books, try to stretch myself by trying new things (like Hawaiian Meatloaf...perhaps a bit TOO new), getting together with other positive people every chance I get. My bookclub keeps me saner. My husband, bless his heart, keeps me sane-ish. My dog doesn't care, and that's a comfort.
All in all, it's a good life. It's not glamorous, by any means, but I have job security, for another 16-18 years. The benefits outweigh the drawbacks, for me. I can't imagine missing all the moments that I've been a part of, staying here in my trailer with my kids. I've held them longer, eaten more cookies after naps, rescued more kittens, sang dumber songs, found more ways to entertain during the winter than I thought was possible, unplanted more tomatos/petunias/beans than I would've, cried more, laughed more, made more mud castles than I ever would've if I had chosen another path.
I know not everyone has the luxury of this choice, and I'm so, so grateful that we live on a ranch where we are all able to work together, all generations. I lost a lot of perspective, the last couple of weeks, and after reading that book, I've regained a little enthusiasm for my job. So, if I've seemed a bit sour and ungrateful, I apologize, really. It's a pretty good gig.
7 comments:
My husband brought this book home for me the other day. It helped my perspective also. Well, and I'll be honest, so has the sunshine! Keep on doing all of the things you do that no one notices!
It's a fantastic gig and you are just too, too adorable! I'm so excited for my daughter-in-law Kristin who is giving up her teaching job to be a SAHM for Gavin. (She promises me she will continue to share him with me, though.=)) I told Kristin that I have never regretted giving up my nursing career to stay at home with my children, and now grandchildren, but I'm sure that if I had continued in my career I would have regretted all I would have missed with my children. Sure...we have less stuff, but people are ALWAYS more important than stuff. And btw, the job security is much longer than 16-18 years because you just graduate from a SAHM to a SAHGM (stay at home grand mom).
Happy Monday to you, too, good friend!
I eat PLENTY. But yeah, it's mostly toast crusts and Cheerios off the floor...
I'm feeling much better about being with the kids all day too. Conversations with God and other moms seemed to help in that direction. Oh, and realizing that I don't actually want a job.
I don't think I posted this on my blog...my son was shocked last week when he found out I'm not paid for all the work I do. Which made me feel good, as if he believes I do enough to warrant pay. We were talking about how sometimes we do things to get paid and sometimes we have to do things just because we're supposed to -- "like me, I don't get paid" -- he looks at me in disbelief -- "well, who'd pay me?!?" -- "uh....the school?" he asks (well, in your case, the school DOES pay you...only not for doing laundry and giving mud baths). Anyhow, it was sweet.
I work a couple days a week, (which is a couple days to much really) I worry constantly about the things I am missing in MaKenzie's life.And then sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't work more to contribute more, it is an everyday battle in my head! But for now it is not a choice but a must. The only good thing is she never has to go to daycare she either stays with her dad or grandma! Great Post by the way! I will have to buy that book!!
I never thought I wanted to be a SAHM...until Sam was born. I got 4 incredible, challenging, sweet months with him before I had to go back to work and, while I struggled with being a SAHM those months, I sort of miss that time. Last month, I started taking off an extra afternoon a week to get some more Sam time in.
Awww. I'm glad for you that you can be a SAHM and that you enjoy it. I always, always wanted to be one, but it never worked out. I'm now an empty-nester and I still want to be a SAH...homemaker/barn keeper ;-)
My daughter wants to be a SAHM and I hope it works out for them. They don't have little ones yet, but they're trying to plan it so that by the time they come, she can quit work.
God bless you and your tikes... and your cold meals and stained clothes!!
I am not sure how to express the how impressed I am with all SAHMs. You all make a differnece in our world and in the lives of your children. As a 4th grade teacher, I see the results of your love and labor on a daily basis. I personally was I pretty sure I couldn't be a good working mom or a good SAHM so I went with sled dogs. Who knew it would be a lot like having toddlers that never grow up.
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