Montana Ranch Glossary

For Joni C., who keeps telling me I'm talking in a foreign language, even though SHE'S the one with the accent. Go figure, huh?

Pairs- noun, pl.- A cow and her calf is considered a pair, more than one of these such groupings would constitute pairs and that's what we're gathering today.

Ship- verb- To send away from the ranch by truck, selling and procurring just enough money to keep the rest of the cows alive, fed and producing calves, in order to do it all over again.  Tomorrow, we ship the steer calves, which is the reason we're gathering pairs today.

Wean- verb- To remove the calf part of the pair equation from the cow part of the pair equation so that the calf will become independently sustainable and the cow will plod through the winter to produce another calf in the spring, thereby restoring the pair equation.  We will wean the heifer calves, tomorrow, as opposed to shipping them.


Cattle buyer- noun- Not the actual purchaser of the calves, as one might presume from the title, but the middle man who cuts the deal between the rancher and the actual purchaser; an agent, of sorts, who gets a commission from facilitating this transaction. Our cattle buyer, Toby Larson, will be here tomorrow to sort the calves and eat cinnamon rolls.

Sort- verb- The act of separating the cows from the calves, then the steers from the heifers, then the heavy steers from the light steers, weighing them, shaking one's head, separating steers again, etc.  It's where I generally make some memorable, monumental screw-up, thereby causing the neighbors to mention it every time they come back to help. We, the ranchers, sort the cows off of the calves and the steers from the heifers, then our cattle buyer sorts them by big and little. 

Portable panels- noun, pl.- Beautiful inventions of steel, basically light fence panels that can create pens or alleys where there had been none before.  They are also considered appropriate "Oh, are you hung over? What a shame. And we have to set up panels all day, too" disciplinary devices on some ranches or arenas.  We have portable panels set up south of our house, in the lot, to sort this little bunch of pairs.

Neighbors- noun, pl.- This should be common knowledge, but in Eastern Montana, neighbors can be people living as far away as 25 miles.  These are the guys that come help gather, sort and haul the cows and calves; in exchange, we help the neighbors gather, sort and haul THEIR pairs when the time comes for them to ship. They also bring interesting stories to the dinnertable at noon, compliment your cooking, make your kids feel 10 feet tall, say nice things about your cows and so forth.  Good neighbors are gifts from God and not to be taken for granted.  Our neighbors will come help, tomorrow, and one of them is a brand inspector.

Brand inspector- noun- The person liscenced by the state whose signature we have to get on many pieces of paper stating that he's looked at all the livestock we're shipping and certifies that yes, indeed, they are all ours because they all have our brand on them.  We call our brand inspector Mike Green, and he's also, very conveniently, our neighbor.

That's all the time I have for this little glossary; I have to start the cinnamon rolls for tomorrow.
Hope that helps, Joni C.!