How to Get Yourself Uninvited From Potlucks For The Rest of Your Life

1. Volunteer to bring a JELL-O salad to the next community potluck.

2. Dig out your vintage "Joys of JELL-O" pocket cookbook circa 1967. (My Aunt Bert bought one for me on our Lewistown trip yesterday.)

3. Locate the recipe for Molded Chef's Salad on page 69. (Don't get distracted by the glossy Ring-Around-The-Tuna...garnished with curly endive and radish roses on page 65!)

4. Read through the recipe to ensure you have all the ingredients.  It could be tricky.

(You realize this is a lime JELL-O based recipe, right?  With tuna?  And hardboiled egg? 

AND an anchovy-mayonnaise dressing?)

5. Assemble ingredients according to the recipe.  

6. (You may need a bit of wine in order to fulfill this next step.  Or a gas mask.)  Pour the lime JELL-O in the circular mold, then add the tuna mixture and egg as directed.  (Be STRONG!  This is gonna get you out of COUNTLESS potlucks in the future!!!)  

7. Chill the completely disgusting JELL-O mold in the fridge for 2-3 hours until firm. 

8. Prepare the Creamy Anchovy Dressing...if you're still game.  Mayonnaise and anchovies mixed to put atop a lime-tuna-egg-vegetable salad.  It's...remarkable. And greyish.  (Another glass of wine would not be the worst idea, here...)  

9. Unmold the now-firm Molded Chef-Salad on a plate of crisp lettuce leaves.  

(It may not look EXACTLY like the picture in the JELL-O recipe book.

All the better!  Remember our mission?  No potlucks for the rest of your life!)

10. Plate the salad, garnishing with the anchovy dressing, and present it to your family for a "taste test".  

I will spare you the gagging and spewing of green JELL-O into the garbage can, but suffice it to say that you will have a Get-Out-Of-Potlucks-Free if you take this little gem to the next one.

Sara Hags, I challenge you to a wine pairing with this dish...

I didn't read through the cookbook very carefully when I was in Lewistown, just enough to see that the original cook (Margaret Argenbright) had written notes on her favorite recipes about who she'd served, the date, and whether the recipe was good or not.  She did NOT have a note on this recipe, but there was a smudge on the corner of the page indicating that she, too, had probably stopped at this recipe and marveled at the incompatibility of the ingredients and flavors. 

Good luck and keep jelling!

Tour de Friends 2014 Part 2

Are you ready for more?

I really am trying to condense ten days into about four posts, but it's hard.

Here's the only picture we took in Idaho, at the top of the pass.

Idaho was a frustrating, intriguing place of FOR-E-VER miles (even though we went through the narrowest part of the state) and towns that turned into other towns with no warning.

When we left Montana, the sign said something like 95 miles to Spokane on the Interstate.  No problem!  We drive 80 miles to get groceries on a two lane; we'd be there in no time.  An hour and a half later, the highway sign says 50 miles to Spokane.  I'm not kidding. I can't decide whether the Idahoians are messing with Montanan's minds, or if Idaho miles really ARE two times the length of a regular mile. (Incidentally, when I was telling this to Joe Kaufman, he validated the craziness of the mileage in that area.  At least I'm not the only one who felt like time stopped there...)

We got lost in Coeur d'Alene.  

At least we started in Coeur d'Alene.  By the time we found a sandwich shop after driving through 45 minutes of residential area and past the fairgrounds, we had apparently crossed over into another town.  When we told the lady at the Great Harvest Bakery that we were going back to the dog park to eat, she said, "Oh, you mean the one in Coeur d'Alene?"

I didn't have the mental fortitude at that time to ask what town we were in, exactly, at that point.  After all, I had to retrace the path BACK. 

We got lost in Spokane. 

I took the exit to Spokane Community College where I thought my brother in law worked but it turns out he works at Spokane FALLS Community College (which is way across town) (of course), and he didn't happen to be at work that day. 

He was out and about in the city, not far from where we were parked, so we were told to sit tight and he'd come meet us to follow him home.

"What an adventure we're having!" I said to the kids.

Maggie rather wearily informed me from the back seat that NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE AN ADVENTURE. 

Grump.

Finally we made it to my sister's house! Huzzah!  The kids immediately spilled out into the yard with their cussins and played their hearts out.  Jen and Darren have a lawn that feels as though the ten yards should be marked off with goal posts at each end.  It's huge, dense, gorgeously green and just begs to be run on.  So they did.  

My nieces, Kamryn and Livvie...

When my sister got home, we had supper on the deck.

This is pretty much how every day ended while we were there.

(I DID make real food for everyone, but don't have pictures of that.)

Tessie was on a leash for ten long days.  She was an exceptionally good puppy considering all the restrictions she had to live with during that time.  She also loved the lawn.

The next day, Jen took all the kids and I on what can only be described as a marathon tourist day in Spokane.  One of the things I liked about the city was all the art....everywhere.  Downtown it was on underpasses, in the benches, on the walls of buildings.  Dig this bike rack, for instance...

The famous Milk Bottle Diner...

Bus stop bench shaped like a leaf...

Street art and the boy child....

Jamaican monkey outside what turned out to be a rather scuzzy (and proud to be so) second hand clothing shop where the smell of mold mingled with incense (?).  I always hope to find something groovy in places like this, but never do.  

In the parking garage where we lost half the kids for about 6 minutes.  Another adventure! 

This shoe was in the mall and I LOVE IT.  

Steel runner sculpture in the park...

Posturing athletes.

This was one of the drain covers in the plaza by Spokane Falls.  Isn't it wonderful that they're going back to making functional pieces artistically bent?  

The bridge over the river, down from the falls. 

Catching goodness knows what from the hand rail.  Try not to think about it.

Part of Spokane Falls...I think this would be considered the upper end. 

I was taken with how tiny they were in relation to the cement structure!  Then I thought about it and hustled down the steps, because my kids aren't exactly shrinking violets when it comes to climbing to get a better look.

There were steel statues honoring the native people of the Spokane area, placed in little corners of the park.  It was a bit startling right at first, but then we started looking for them to see what would be next.

I believe this is where God makes rainbows to spread around the world. 

The carousel!  We adore carousels, and this was a great one.

Little post-fun cotton candy to rejuvenate ourselves... 

Clock tower is Spokane-iconic.

OH! Do you remember The Great Zoltar from the movie "Big" with Tom Hanks?  I had to get my fortune done! 

He seemed to indicate that I would do well to curb my conversational ability. 

*sigh*

Maggie thought it was interesting that I got an owl fortune, since one of my friends calls me Athena (the goddess represented by owls). 

I thought perhaps it would be fun to get a fortune that didn't hit QUITE so close to home...

The garbage eating goat!  It really does eat whatever you put in its mouth.  Regrettably, we had thrown all our garbage away before we got to it. I wasn't handing the kids my fortune, so they finally scrabbled around a little piece of paper for the goat to munch. 

Humongous Radio Flyer slide.  (I told you that we hit all the touristy places in town, right?) (In ONE DAY.)

I love to take pictures of people's sticker collections.  This one wasn't as impressive as the one I found in Providence, RI, but pretty good for WA.  

The rest of the day went like this:

Shopping in Auntie's bookstore.

Eating Panda Express in the mall.

Stopping at a corner lemonade stand and heavily tipping the vendors.

Going to a swimming pool which was evacuated about 20 minutes after we got there due to "contamination" in the water. (None of us contaminated the water. I promise.)

Finding a coffee shop-by-day-bar-by-night that was built in an old garage. 

Driving back to my sister's house to hurriedly drive BACK into Spokane to Old Spaghetti Factory where we met one of my long-time blog friends, Kerry, for dinner and a visit.  (I will get a picture off my phone of that.  It was delightful to finally be able to give her a hug and chat in real life!)

Back to the house to collapse in a heap on the floor.  

To be continued...

Sundries

The last week or so we've been preconditioning calves for shipping this fall.  Essentially this means that we bring in each bunch of pairs, sort the calves off the cows, run the calves through the chute giving them 4 shots so they won't get sick from the stress of shipping in a month or in the feedlot where they're going.  The cows get Ivermectin and their fly tags cut out, then we throw the pairs back together and put them in pastures with good grass until we pull them at shipping time.  It's been great weather, 80 degrees and sunshine, so working cows hasn't been an awful trial.  

We also preg tested our heifers by ultrasound to see who gets their big girl tags and will be having their first calves next spring.  I have to tell you...out of the first 20 heifers that were tested, we had 7 "open" or unbred cows.  It was tense, to say the least, and I was nearly in tears as I wrote their numbers on the sheet on the clipboard.  But then it picked up and eventually we ended up with 13 open heifers out of 113, the rate of 10% being average on any given year.  My little heifer, Violet, was bred!  78 days with a bull calf.  I know I sound like a little kid when I tell Dr. Beck "That's MY cow.", grinning as big as you please, but it's truly thrilling to hear that call "Pregnant" from him.  You might not believe it, but it's almost as exciting as seeing double lines on the little stick for your OWN pregnancy.  (There are about 50 of my 64 readers that will not understand that, but at least 10 of them that do.)  

All this means that we've had our hands on every cow and calf on the place...with the exception of the 150 pairs to do this Saturday, but they're not our cows; we run a cousin's cows in exchange for pasture lease, basically.  But still...every one of our cows, we've handled, examined, shot, sorted and moved this week.  And they're looking good.  Today I cried a little....mostly because I was tired and frazzled and thought I'd really messed up a gate, but more because I see a lot of hard work coming to fruition in these girls (and babies).  For as hard as it is calving in March, loading half frozen calves in the pick up to haul to the heating box, it's more than doubly gratifying to be moving them through the fall grass, seeing the big, soggy calves trotting along beside their moms.  

In other news, my friends Myron and Ada Pentz from Perth, Australia have sent me some really good literature about the land down under!  I finished "Melbourne" by Sophie Cunningham  and feel a real need to take a tour of that city with book in hand in order to fully appreciate it.  I read it every evening last week, underlining words I was unfamiliar with and marking references that I want to read up on.  Some of the more fascinating things are that right now, as we're doing our fall work on the ranch, the folks in Australia are doing their spring planting.  New Year's celebrations are in the middle of summer, sort of like our Independence Day celebrations.  The book walks through the seasons and areas of the city, exploring history and culture on the streets of Melbourne.  It also gets into "footy" which is Australian football, which is JUST as big to them as NFL is to us...I mean, me.  Sophie grew up in Melbourne, so the book is very personal in some places...she writes in a professional, journalistic style, but occasionally reminiscences sneak in to make the book read more like her own diary.  Good stuff.

I read about 89 pages of "From Strength to Strength" tonight while sitting on the deck with a cocktail, watching the clouds go to pink, listening to the prairie ease into evening.  It's an autobiography of an amazing woman who ends up ranching in Northern Australia, after marrying an American who had big dreams but nothing to substantiate them.  In the book right now, she's just survived a typhoon on a sailboat in Red China waters with her husband of 4 months and his man servant Ernesto...she's dying of what I recognize to be morning sickness and they're unsure what to do about the leaking bow, besides stuffing her wedding dress in the hole.  It's a dandy!  

I'll try to get some pictures this week for you. Really, you should see how green and lovely it is here since the rains,,,  Which makes me think of Ian Tyson's song "Since the Rain"...click on the title of the song and enjoy!  

Just Like Magic...

The rains came at the right time, the end of the summer, and now we're getting some warm days so it feels like June instead of September.  I think this is God giving me a little gift after making me panic with the snow thing a week ago. (Yes. Snow. But this is Montana, after all...)

Last night I took the dogs for a tromp after supper; it works a little of the jumping beans out of Tessie and I love the evening as the prairie sighs good night to the day.  The moisture and warm days have produced bug hatches like you can't imagine, though, so it's sort of a swarmy type walk near the reservoir.

Mosquitoes weren't the only thing that hatched though.
The tiniest white moths you can imagine are everywhere, too.  They're not like the grey, creepy, dirty millers.  These are ethereal little things, so soft and tiny that when one lands on your arm you're not sure if you feel it, or just that you SHOULD feel it because you know it's there.

As I was walking back to the house, every step in the grass caused a little swirl of white moths to flutter up and around in front of me.  It looked as though invisible beings, perhaps angels or fairies, were throwing white flower petals in front of me as I went.  Enchanting!

I didn't have my tiara with me, sadly, which just goes to show you that I really shouldn't go anywhere without it.

When I was putting Maggie to bed, she talked about seeing them too, and had the same sort of feeling!

I hope we never lose the ability to see the magic in life.

Thoughts From the Corral

1. I don't care if everyone else IS all tense and driven, I have a better day if I pretend I'm one of Charlie's Angels with my Ivermectin gun.  

2. Cows have adorable chins.

3. And cheeks.

4. AND topknots.

5. But not snot.  That stuff is nasty. 

6. It's better to sweat like crazy in the corral than freeze down with icicles on your eyelashes and in your nose.

7. I'm always going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, so I don't know why I try so hard to get it right.  I mean, I could be in the pickup, three miles from the sorting operation and I'd STILL be in the wrong place. 

8.  Really, the "right place" is anywhere a person can't get run over by a cow or bull.  

9. Or a 600 lb calf. 

10. Which brings me to Daisy, the World's Most Beautiful Cow (OC 1); this year was her first bull calf, Cactus Jack.

11.  I'm beyond pleased to tell you all that Mr. Cactus Jack turned out to be a real axle buster! He's going to make the 625 lbs easily by October 26th! Maybe by next week. 

12. Even the Farmer had to admit she raised a great calf this year, but he said it was because the calf was standing next to such a sorry cow.

13. He also said it was probably because of an LO Bar Cattle Co. bull from last summer when Daisy spent 30 days in the neighbor's pasture.  

14. Whatever.  

15. "Bum calves never amount to anything..." is hard to swallow every year at calving, branding and weaning time for my very pragmatic, unsentimental, smart, rain-gauge-half-empty men of Langs Fork, Inc. 

16. Three inches of rain and good sunshine making grass like June didn't hurt anything, though, this year.  Holy moly, it's gorgeous here, now!

17. There's really nothing slower and more stubborn than a cow who's had enough pushing for three days.

18. Except 133 cows (and calves) that have had enough pushing for three days.  

19. I can't hug the cows.  Or the grass.  Or even the men, because that sort of thing is just not done.  But today I wanted to.  

20. Except when I wanted to throw the cow paddles at them.  All of them.  

21. (I'm SURE the feeling was mutual.)

22. Throwing things, not hugging.  If a cow could throw something besides dirty looks, manure from her tail, and snot, she'd throw sorting sticks too.  

23. Someone forgot to buy Pendleton whiskey for the preconditioning/imminent retirement stress/planting/shipping month.

24. Also, frozen pizza. 

25. Life is pretty darn good on the ranch, anyway.   

And for that, I'm grateful...

The translation of this photo is:

Life is full of little pleasures

Recently there's been a "Thankful Challenge" on Facebook, where someone lists three things they're thankful for each day for five days, then tag three friends to do the same.  I was tagged by my friend Shelly, but just could not bring myself to DO this on that particular website.  The Chronicles feel more personal, like we're sitting together drinking tea on the deck, discussing the things in life that we appreciate....thanks for joining me!

The kick that brought me to sharing all 15 in one post for you, my friend, was when I read that someone was having a hard time coming up with three things a day.  That astounded me!  I swear, I think of three things I'm grateful for before I even get out of bed...my comfy bed being one of them.

If you've been reading the Chronicles for a few years, you'll ALSO know that gratitude lists in November (especially), drive me nuts.  I mean, if one isn't aware every day ALL YEAR LONG, one month of looking for the stuff isn't really all that meaningful.  To me, that is.  Inversely, I'm also bugged by people who are thankful (for example) for a roach in their house because it means they have something good enough for a roach to want.  Please.  Don't go there.  Just don't.

I'm fulfilling the challenge (all 15 in one sitting, though) in September for my friend, so she won't think that I completely ignored it. If any of you feel compelled to come back here in November as a seasonal reminder, you'll be welcome.  It'll be hot tea on the deck in our Muck boots and Carhartts.  Under quilts.  But we'll be thankful, darn it!

*Note before I begin: I'm not going to list my family and friends, here. For some reason, I think it should be sort of an "understood" gratitude...if I started listing each one, it would take longer than anyone would care to read.  Yes, I'm THAT blessed with loved ones!  So, don't have hurty feelings if I didn't list you on my list of gratitude; you're not insignificant or taken for granted!

1. I'm grateful someone taught me to read. Quite a few "someone"s actually contributed to this blessing.  I don't remember ever NOT being able to read.  It's a huge gift to give a human being, and I never, ever forget this.

2. Clean sheets. (Do you ever slide between them and not think "thank you, thank you, thank you..."?)

3. Team sports.  Now, wait...hear me out on this one!  I'm not talking about the hype over the athletes and all that nonsense, I'm talking about the sports themselves.  Sometimes when my world has been crazy, hard, hurtful, incomprehensible, it's a comfort to me to be able to turn on football for example and see 11 men trying to move a little leather ball 10 yards in 4 tries.  (I know.  When it's written like that, it's almost laughable that we DO watch it.)  It's soothing to know the rules, know that everyone has a clear purpose, know everyone is working toward a common goal for 60 minutes.

4. Jimmy Buffett.  I think I listen to at least one of his songs every day.

5. A good, reliable hot water heater...I think of this every shower and breathe a little prayer of gratitude.

6. Home grown, ripe tomatoes.  You can sort of "fake" the flavor of other fruits and vegetables, but there's no way to even come close to the pure, delightful juicy goodness of a slightly warm tomato, freshly plucked from the vine.

7. While we're on the food topic, I'm grateful I can just pick up a gallon of milk for the family.  I don't have to feed the cow, milk her twice a day, strain the milk, separate the cream from the rest of it.  Having good fresh milk is a lot of stinkin' work done that way.  I love that there are dairies that do it for me.

8. Calvin and Hobbes.  I'm telling you, I can pick up a C & H book any time of any day and find something that I can relate to and laugh about!  Sometimes I'm Calvin, sometimes I'm raising him, but always it hits close to home and makes me smile. My Gramps used to clip his cartoons from the paper and send them to me in college, so Watterson's wit goes way back for me.

9. Air conditioning in cars and my house...pure luxury on the prairie.

10. The ability to run....legs and the means to use them.  I think about this a lot, actually.  At one point in my life, the idea of running was akin to working in a fertilizer plant: I could do it, but I'd rather die. When did we lose the sheer joy of going as fast as we can, like a child who can't help herself?  I can still run...it hurts and the ground shakes as I pass, but I can still run.  I'm so thankful for that.

11. My dog.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that more than once  Molly saved my life, and Tessie is proving to be the same sort of companion.

12. The six translations of the Bible that I have in my home.  This is richness, folks.  If I don't understand one translation, I go find another and lay it out on the table side by side with the first, and try to make sense of it. I know there are those who don't even have one copy of any translation, and I'm aware of how rare and special it is to have them at home.

13. Coffee.  It's predictable and boring on a gratitude list.  Whatever.  I'm thankful for it every day.

14. Big Spring Water.  Or as we used to call it as we were filling the 5 gallon jugs from Grandma Mosby's hose as kids, "Lewistown water".  Water in Garfield County is drinkable in a few locations, but for the most part, it's pretty darn stinky and unpalatable...and a lot of it will flat make you sick with stomach cramps and diarrhea.  So grateful for the availability of clean, yummy water to bring home!

15. Cameras and photographs.  I frame everything up in my head as though it was being photographed, anyway.  I always have, even from when I was a little girl, although I didn't know then that that was what I was doing.  It's a precious thing to be able to freeze a moment and share it with others, almost magical when you really think about it.  There's a connectedness between generations and cultures through photos...common stories and experiences that most all humans can relate to.

There you go.
I don't know about you, but I'm out of tea and attention span!  I won't tag anyone, but feel completely free to add your thoughts and lists in the comments of this post.  Or run with it on your own blog.

Big Happenings on the Little Dry

Cohagen School is back in session with an astonishing number of pupils for a community our size.  As of press time, 14 students are enrolled in grades 1-6!  The teacher is once again Mrs. Joni Carroll who has attained the status of "veteran" country school teacher in the county, since all the other country schools have hired teachers who are brand new to the county or have had fewer years at their schools than Mrs. Carroll. It should also be noted that the cloak rooms and entry of the school have been painted a bright, cheery white with apple green and grape purple accents by the veteran country school teacher, herself.  Wishing all the students and teacher a productive and safe school year!

After 35 years of service, our postmaster Kay Collins is retiring this month. There will be a potluck meal and party at the Cohagen Community Hall on September 7th at 5 p.m. to thank her for her many years of dedication to the community.  (Incidentally, this is the day after the Annual Farmer/Rancher Appreciation Banquet and Dance in Miles City, so some of those attending both events may be a little...tender headed.  Please be considerate and don't raise your voice to a hurtful level on Sunday.)  Sloppy joes will be provided by Mrs. Jenn Hafla, so bring salads and desserts for the potluck.  (Pie is nice. We only have two and a half months to practice before the Pie Auction, so this would be the opportune time to advertise your skills!)

Word on the street is that the Brandon and Brandi Dalton family have taken a position in New Zealand and will be moving sometime in October.  We wish them well in their new endeavor and will miss seeing them around the community!  (This will withdraw one student from the school, making an uneven number for P.E. and field trip buddies.  Another challenge for the veteran country school teacher...)

Exciting news from up the creek!  One of our young couples recently announced they are expecting a baby this upcoming spring! Jason and Destanie Pluhar will be welcoming their first child in March of 2015.  This begs all sorts of "calving season" comments with their due date, but let's not go there, folks.

In other news, many in the Cohagen community are placing bets as to whether Mr. and Mrs. Vern Pluhar really ARE retiring this fall.  They're building a house in Pryor Creek which should be finished the end of October or first part of November, so only a month or two to speculate and put money on the table.

The 2014 Garfield County District High School graduates have left for colleges all around the state of Montana.  I believe we have Cohagen kids at MSU-Bozeman, MSU-Billings, Miles Community College, Dawson Community College, Helena College of Technology, and University of Montana.  Fall work on the ranches is going to be a little more challenging without the help of these hands! And grocery bills a lot lighter...

Our school bus driver, Mrs. Rita Wemmer, is inquiring around as to who so kindly placed quite a lot of zucchini in her mailbox last week.  While she appreciates this generous gift, she also requests that such offerings not be repeated, since she finally sent her last child off to college and there's really only so much zucchini bread she and Mr. Wemmer can eat by themselves.  Tis the season for neighbors to pass around Walmart bags filled with zucchini, cucumbers, and tomatoes; more cars are locked in the county in September than at any other time of the year, simply because no one knows what to do with all these produce "gifts".

If the Chronicles made a glaring news omission, feel free to add a paragraph in the comment section.  Letters to the editor will be read just as voraciously as the current affairs listed above...